Monday, December 31, 2007

hmm. typed a long long post last night and while i wanted to post it, blogger got error!! so, i gave up and went to sleep instead. lol.

anw. todae is the last day of 2007 le, after 12am tonight, have to start welcoming 2008. sad to say, i still dun feel like leaving 2007 coz it feels like i haven really enjoyed it to the fullest. then "swoosh!" and it's the end. well, but it's been a nice year thou didn't really got the chance to enjoy it coz there were much more agony than enjoyment, with all the projects and what's not. seriously this year showed me the raw faces of each and every person i've met. the past facade put on by them was removed and their true faces were revealed. in a way, therefore, i've learnt to accept ppl for who they actually are. learnt to accept ppl's straightforwardness, no matter how hurtful their words may sound but i noe it is for my own good and so, i have been learning to accept criticisms. ppl changed a lot this year as well, while i am stunned by the changes and baffled as to why they would change into who they are now. i've been asking myself whether i was the one who changed? and yes, i have changed. changed to one who is less fake, i guess. in front of my frens, i no longer hav to force myself to treat them nicely when i am actually not happy with them. i just treat them as how i am feeling inside me. some said i became more sensitive, but i dun think so seriously. if u noe me well, u should noe i am one who doesn't get angry and pissed easily. in fact, this whole year, only that k person made me angry. the rest made me hurt more than being pissed. pissed should be a more prideful word for being hurt, i guess.

anw, received an email form my psycho group mate last night and along with her attached work, was a whole para of words. read thru it and smiled at the mail. in it, she wrote that "it has been really nice being in the same grp as u guys and i really enjoyed laughing tgt with all of u guys!" really, reading it made me smiled at my screen. in the psycho class, it is always an experience i could nv get anywhere else. it is a class where everyone is so true to each and every indivi that there are no fake fronts put on, all of us just treat each other the way we wan to treat them. perhaps it is because we dun meet everyday that we dun get much conflicts. there are no class politics as well, just a plain nice class. and the grp i was in was a fabulous grp as well. i laughed along with all of them, perhaps more than the laughter i would ever had while doing grp work. i threw my face tgt with them, laughed hard and worked hard tgt. i guess when i leave SP, the class i will miss the most is gonna be this psycho class. thou no one in the class will see this, but THUMBS UP for my psycho class! love all of u all! u're one of the best things that has happened to me this yr.

also, psycho class really taught me a lot thigns that i would not be able to learn in normal lesson. most importantly, it has taught me how to face up to myself truthfully. alright, back to do my work. shall update when it's nearing to midnight! =D

you're the reason ;
1:46 PM

Thursday, December 27, 2007

爱

如果有一种力量
能穿越悲伤
我想那是爱
让梦想装上翅膀

如果有一种答案
让生命坚强
我想那是爱
让幸福在每个人
心上绽放

哪怕再大的风浪
拆不散我紧握的手掌
永远朝着爱
给的方向
坚持一直握在手上

哪怕会遍体鳞伤
心甘情愿为爱去闯
像飞蛾扑火只因为爱的召唤
就算化为灰烬
拥抱了土壤
却播种下爱的希望

for those who watch this show--tian tang niao. this is the theme song. i find it veri nice! lol. coz it has an innocent feeling to it, mayb coz sang by small kid. enjoy!

you're the reason ;
7:16 PM

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

as mentioned earlier, i'm here to do my update! lol. did a mini check this morning and found out that i still got like loads of things left undone. til now, i'm still rushing my psycho report which to my horror, i found out that it is to be due the earliest coz i'm going to present it in the first week. oh! and hrm too.

oh man. the following few days i can onli see the word "project rush" written in my brain. sian. but after fun, there's bound to be not-fun right. oh well.

backtrack to ytd. celebrated the first x'mas tgt with dear. went dinner with his frens at changi airport there. lol. coz they thought there would be lesser ppl there. lol. but, still got a lot of ppl. but the service at the fish&co there quite good coz the staff veri friendly. den by the time dinner ends, it was quite late already and my parents set me a curfew after i confessed to them everything. lol. so, had to go home. and the mrt was super duper squeezed la. cant imagine how orchard would look like. lol. flooded with ppl ba. lol. den after that went somewhere to exchange our presents. lol. came home and slept with a smile. =)

wah. i spent so long typing this entry. lol. and i haven start on my psycho report. alright, got to go. tomolo going lib to do my report coz home is like quite noisy. lol. the main culprit being my mum. =x

you're the reason ;
12:49 AM

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

ahhh. was doing my psycho report halfway and now, having gstric pains. sian. think is coz i added in too much chilli in my chicken rice. so, with my psycho report only like 1/5 completed, i'm sipping warm milk and trying to do at the same time. lol.

aiya, my mum rushing me to go out. shall update later on when i come home. till then~

you're the reason ;
3:14 PM

Sunday, December 23, 2007

woah. the past few days had been rush rush rush for me. and the earliest time i slept this week was at like 2am? lol. seriously begin to doubt whether this is my hol anot. lol. after i went out with jinhong and idiot that day, the next day, went for project meeting for ecm at mac den after that was more christmas shopping. lol. i nv knew it could be sooo hard to find a present and liming and me can go crazy. lol.

den after that, the next day, went out with my sec sch frens and had to go sch to settle some things. that day was really a mad rush. everything had to be quick quick quick coz i was like late for meeting my fren, and we still had to get my another two frens their belated birdae presents. lol. but we found it veri fast den went to meet them. lol. and time seemed to go back to the sec sch days where we would sit in the canteen or some place and just talk. and there were no projects or whatsoever on my mind, just plain catch-up session with them. really nice. :) and found out some really bad news and then reminds me once again that things can always be soo unpredictable. oh well.

den ytd, went for wsc de bbq. it was quite a failure i think. hmm. coz seriously, there were too much things for me to handle this week. too many meetings, outings, etc. and too little time. but, it's over. learn from it and get over with it.

and den, todae is the most carefree day i could ever wish for. it's the onli day where i can just clear my huge pile of "to-do" list. but then, so far, i've onli striked one off my list sia. lol. nvm, still got night time to do. and i didn't had time coz i talked like 3 hours with my mum from the time i worked up todae. -.-but at least, i've cleared up with her and i'm awaiting for my death when my dad comes back tonight. =S but it's worth it la.

hmm. nothing to blog abt le ba. have a warm and nice christmas everyone! next week is post-christmas-cum-project-rush week liao le. lol. so, be sure to enjoy the first 2 days!!

you're the reason ;
7:06 PM

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

CHRISTMAS COMING IN LESS THAN A WEEK TIME!! lol.

hmm. after christmas, it'll be the end of 2007 le. so fast.
2007, a year, well-spent? hectic?
it's definitely a year which i dread.
learnt the true faces of ppl. including my family when i was in times of distress and pain.
the hard, true facts of the four letter word--LIFE.
was disappointed with everything but then, happy with one thing. lol. i'm so contradicting.
been really busy this year, with psycho and what's not.
but although it has not been smooth-flowing, it was still a sweet year.
one which i enjoyed, more than 06,05 and the earlier years.

christmas wishes for many ppl might include having lots and lots of presents and all.
but for me, i only have one simple christmas wish. one only, so i hope santa would be nice enough to grant me my wish. it's not a simple wish, it's not something tangible that's why it makes it even harder to be fulfilled. and i can only fulfill this wish with my own strength (i dun mind some luck from santa! lol). if it's something tangible, it can still be fulfilled quite easily coz it's available somewhere in the world. but for my wish, nah, it's not readily available. but, i shall try hard!

alright. got to go and prepare for my shopping time with jinhong and idiot! lol.
i'm going to be sooooo late.

you're the reason ;
12:46 PM

Monday, December 17, 2007

u're not me, how would u noe how i feel.
it seems so simple to you, but it's so hard for me.
what's hard for some ppl might be really simple for others.
but have one ever put themselves in that person's shoes and think about it,
how hard it is for them.

i admit, i admit.
i'm a coward to not to face up to it.
but i'm scared.
scared of losing anything and everything.

how i wished that everything was simple.

well. enough of all that. anw, just saw quite a good fren turning into what i was in the past. being competitive and all that. judging by me, mayb cant see that i'm a veri competitive gal. lol. but in the past, i was damn competitive that even i hated myself. and i did not wan to do anything that my competitor was doing, i wanted to do someting different from her so that i can win her. now, looking back, it was really stupid. what's the point of competing with others? what's the point of wanting to win ppl? i found myself quite childish sia. lol. but now, i've grown up. lol. or i hope so. and i'm still competing, but with myself. lol. comparing and competing wif myself is something that is quite not-that-damaging. lol. ppl may disagree but i feel that if i compete with myself, it serves better purpose and no one can beat the person inside urself. lol. if compete with others, once u get better marks than him/her, u would get real happy and all that. but the benchmark is onli that him/her. but if u compete with urself, u can set ur own benchmark. lol. confusing.

back to writing my psycho report. i wan to learn to be empathetic to ppl. lol.

you're the reason ;
12:55 AM

Sunday, December 16, 2007

it's sunday now. basically, i didn't do anything for the whole day just now except finding recipes for cupcakes and i found one website where the cupcakes are really really veri pretttty! wan take a look? click here

but wont be so hard on myself coz it's still hols. lol. but den thinking of the amount of projects to do, guess i have to start work tomolo already. but then tml i'll be trying to make plain cupcakes so that we can try to deco on mon. and also to verify whether the "oven" in my house is a real oven or onli a microwave oven. lol. the verdict will be out tomolo! wait for it k. lol. and also, i wan to learn how to make. lol. if not i feel that i'm veri useless like that. lol. =X.

you're the reason ;
12:08 AM

Saturday, December 15, 2007

hmm. haven been updating recently coz there was far too much things to do this week, despite it being the last week before the 2weeks hols come. had my psycho test todae and the mcq were so hard! it's basically a mixture of memory work and application work. and one qns went like this-- "tell you what.. go on to answer one more qns and dun give up ok? (what technique am i using to persuade u to finish answering the qns?)"

LOL. i read le, feel like laughing out but it's a test and no one was laughing in the classroom sia. so i kept my laughter to myself and went on finishing the paper. lol.

but, at least it's over. and before the test, the teacher smashed 2 report deadlines into our faces. @.@ now, 2 more reports to rush and hand up after the break. sian. one is individual, one is group. and my next week is like fully booked by projects and club events except fridays and sundays. lol. and it's supposed to be a BREAK?

but one thing i've decided to do this break is to get enough rest coz i cant stand my dark eye circles anymore. lol. getting darker sia. and when i look into the mirror, i was shocked. lol.

that aside, there's been a lot of backstabbing happening all around me and i personally think it's the lowest form of atack to another person. why would anyone wan to harm someone behind their back and still pretend to be nice in front of them? so fake la!

and i remembered i had a lot to blog about but i forgot all liao le. lol. til i rmb den i'll update some really worth-to-read content ba. lol.

hai. i need courage, care to spare any?

you're the reason ;
12:13 AM

Sunday, December 09, 2007

it'll be ok,
it'll be over,
hang in there.

you're the reason ;
5:15 PM

Saturday, December 08, 2007

after the shower of rain, i believe i will see a rainbow.
after all these projects and ppt, i believe i will see a more grown up me. lol.
coz of the rainbow, i'll hang on;

seriously, projects really make me grow up. it's not only the knowledge side that grows, it also teaches us the ways of dealing with ppl. sounds a bit violent. lol. i've promised myself not to work with that idiot again after uccd. but then, this time round, again. i had to work with him. sad thing but then i told myself that it's another experience as well. to let me know how to deal with this kind of ppl. i really really really hope that he can go to the entrepreneurship concentration so that i wont kana doing project with him again. the mad rush of projects, the last min work. all these are soooo him. mayb he can take it. but i cant work with this style. i dun like him, i despise him for treating his frens that way and i look down on the two that always hang out with him. really stupid to not to noe that he is just using them. but. i still have to put on a smile when i talk to him. the smile is not genuine, it's so fake that i cant take it myself. lol. but then, in front of him, this type of behaviour is like "small house see big house". coz he himself is like more fake than me 10 TIMES.

ytd during psycho, watched a video about eating disorders and the way how the media actually uses ads to encourage ppl to not to eat in order to be slim. and all these are for the sake of earning money. it's so unethical. but then, the teacher was like telling us that the media and the different companies also have no choice if they wan to earn money. it is how the society defines beauty. and for me, real beauty lies in the heart of ppl. u're kind, u're truly beautiful.

but what the teacher say about business world is quite true. it's all veri practical. i dun like. lol. mayb i should think of changing my course? LOL.

you're the reason ;
3:39 PM

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

PSCM-settled.

whether it's good or bad, pscm presentation and the report are finally over. so, one project striked off the list. sian. and hols coming le. actually not hols la, it's project rushing week. lol. dun think i going to work in precious thots le. that person nv call me. but if call, den i'll also not work ba. i forgot i still have my psycho project and two reports for that to hand in after the 2weeks break. so essentially, there's no break at all. lol. but i wan to use the hols to rest also before exams set in.

just found out that someone actually passed away. i think it does not matter whether it's true or it's being frabricated. but the fact that it was so sudden and that the person was someone i actually had contact with a few months ago still leaves me feeling a bit blank? lol. dunno how to describe the feeling also. just so.. scary.

and it just reminds me more that we should cherish life and the ppl around us. imagine one day the person closest to us just went away like that. cant imagine it. lol. treat life as a journey of forgive and forget--forget as in forget those unhappy things la. mayb it's right to say that life's really too short for any hatred and regrets.

gal, cherish everything.

you're the reason ;
10:33 PM

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

hai. there's so many things to do nowadays, and just when i had typed out a nice post, blogger had to eat it away! >.<

after so long, i'm starting to feel the stress coming in. not that there has not been stress all along. but now, it has come to my absolute threshold that there is stress and huge amounts of it. reports due, ppt due but all not done up yet. someone, pls save me! hai, and i think cant get it done up tonight le. and the ppt is like on wed so tomolo muz chiong finish liao. and my leg is not listening to me again coz it's starting to hurt. hai. why everything come tgt at once? makes me feel like i cant take a breather and this feeling is really veri scary and not nice at all. i think the onli way i can do to relieve stress is to cry. lol. from just now til now when i've been thinking that there are so many things to do but all not done up, i've shed tears for like 4, 5 times. lol. and i'm now super prone to tears. so, dun say sad things in front of me if possible, if not, i dunno what'll happen to my tear ducts. lol. and as if projects are not stressful enough, BD grouping is also causing me a headache. retail ppl! come out come out pls.

ya, it's all my fault. i shouldn't have wrote that post or whatsoever. it's all my hand's fault. so can just keep the issue away? i dun wan talk about it anymore coz i am really really really really really really really really really really very very very very very very very very very very very tired. repression, denial whatever u call it, i need my ego defense mechanism coming into work right now.

someone, tell me that everything is going to be settled, tell me it's going to be fine, tell me it will be all over in a short while.

i miss my bed, my blanket, my room. =(

you're the reason ;
12:13 AM

Sunday, December 02, 2007

when things get complicated,
when u're given the verdict before u can try out ur case,
when everything is misundertstood,
when u cant explain it coz u're not allowed to,
when it all turns black n bitter,
i'm leaving.

not coz i'm a coward,
i tried to save everything from the start,
but i dunno what to do now,
it's so tiring to me,
i have to leave all these behind.

it's not pure running away,
it's giving up on this,
on everything.

let it all fade,
let it all drain away,
along with my tears.
as i cried,
i told myself,
'it's the last time i'll be crying for you'.

goodbye, beautiful stranger.

you're the reason ;
12:39 PM

Saturday, December 01, 2007

it's friday again and had some psycho games just now. as usual, it was a laughing session instead. lol. but sort of helps to destress also. so, still quite ok.

finally. pscm report was handed in todae. but right up next (sounds like tv programme) is pscm ppt, which is on wed and which means i hav to wear formal to gems and to wsc de meeting. -.- sian. and time really passes so fast. tomolo my parents they all going to japan le. =( so hav to go my grandma's house on sunday. meaning i hav to wake up earlier than my normal timing for sch. i think i'll be late coz now i'm like late almost everyday le, cant imagine what'll happen if i go to my grandma's house. hai.

and there's psycho test on mon. ready to kill more of my brain cells. lol. it's all memorising sia. and todae the teacher was telling us to get ready our spss notes coz might use it in psycho. lol. and he said the last research paper which we are doing in yr3 might need it. sian. when can spss leave my life? lol.

anw. talked about the different types of friendship in psycho todae. there are mainly 3 types-utility, pleasure and perfect friendships. utility means that u are frens wif that person coz they are useful to you, pleasure means that u are frens wif that person coz u feel happy by their presence. the last one, most rare one is that u are frens with that person coz u like him/her for who they really are. and my fren sitting beside me asked, "do u hav the 3rd type of friendship?" upon reflecting, i told her that i dun have. lol. it's sad how we live about 19 years of our lives but we still dun hav such perfect friendships. and we were like sadly saying most of our friendships are utility-based. lol. but then, we concluded also that there is actually a perfect friend in our lives. guess who? clue: this person plays both roles, that of a perfect friend and another role, but is not within family de. lol. guess!

so tired~ tonight muz sleep earlier. haven been getting enough rest for the past few days.

you're the reason ;
12:15 AM