my life

2008-01-19T09:19:00.000+08:00

at 302 post, i end this blog.

unhappiness caused by this blog and ultimately, my mouth: lots and lots (1000%)

shutting it down seems the best way. and nope, i'm not gonna delete everything here, just burying it away. come to think of it, if i hadn't said what i did, perhaps, nothing would have happened. mayb i shouldn't have asked too much, to wan to noe everything? lol.

goodbye, to the beauty and ugliness of blogs, washing my hands off you, everything back in my diary.

2008-01-17T22:20:00.000+08:00

spent my day revising mainly for blaw and fm. argh, first two papers for the exam. sometimes or rather everytime, i hate exams, who doesn't anyway? lol. what to do but to try and get over it. after the hardship, it'll be time for enjoyment.

during exams, perhaps, it's the best time to quietly sit down and think abt things that we tend to brush aside due to the rush of the daily sch routine. disappointed, baffled, hurt and really hurt from everything that has happened. i tried to get myself to respect ur decision, i tried to justify taht u did what u had to do in order to protect urself from the hurt. i tried, but, i still cant get it out of my head. all the times we've spent together, are they all wasted? all these 2 years, the laughter we had, the anger we had tgt. i dun wan to sound harsh, i'm not trying to sound angry coz i'm more hurt than anger.

how would u feel if u were in my shoes? everyone's shutting themsevles away from me, it's eating me up. perhaps, i've never been a good fren at all.. perhaps, i should stop asking. perhaps, i should just forget everything.

alright. finish of venting out, back to the world of study.

forget it, linghui.

2008-01-14T22:55:00.000+08:00

hmm. got my itp posting. lol. at some tuition centre at yishun. save on transport fees but tuition and marketing like dun go very hand in hand tgt hor. lol. but anw, posting's out, and though i will still nag abt being posted to a tuition centre at times, but then, i muz really learn to accept it. lol. there's no other choice, is there?

on a brighter note, completed my psycho counselling test todae and handed in blaw report todae. so, 2 CAs down! can concentrate more in revision for exams! i hope the two weeks can come and go away as fast as possible den it's a short period of hols! yay. lol. happy too early.

during my psycho counselling session, told them abt a problem that happened qutie recently, and the advice given was like quite standard. to go and ask them, etc. but that is, if there's someone kind willing to tell me what is going on. i dunno if keeping it from me is for my own good (yes, mayb from all of u de point of view) but for me, it just hurts. and during todae's psycho counselling, it helped me recognise that it all boils down to feeling hurt more than feeling angry or disapppointed. coz all of u are my frens, that's why i care, that's why i will wan to noe what is happening.

ms tan, on the other hand, could tell that i was really confused as to what i should do. lol. which is like sooo true. problems come and go, ppl tell me about it, others shut me away from it. and if u really choose to shut away and hide from me, there's nothing i can do. just like people playing "hide and seek", if u choose to go away and hide away from me, i cant find and help u foreverrrrrr.

alright. that's all i wanna say.

2008-01-11T23:48:00.000+08:00

hmm. haven been really busy these few days, with ecm ppt and blaw report and psycho report. and to top it all off, there's revision for the exams to be done as well! =S.

but i believe after the exams, all would be fine. so, cant give up! jia you everyone! 2 weeks and all torment would be over. lol. like trying to get myself to believe in it as well, which is veri hard la. lol. but, i will not give up coz it's such a waste to struggle thru the whole sem and give up at the last min near the exams.

alright. shall get back to blaw! die die muz finish at least one chapt tonight!! and i haven get itp result posting sia. sian.

2008-01-09T00:27:00.000+08:00

i just realised, i dun hav the right to talk abt that coz i'm not the party in it and i dun even noe a bit abt what's happening. i did talk, but then, i realised, i dun have this right to do so.

dun pull me into it. i dun wan to noe. dun wan to care. and yes, i admit i'm running away, coz the thought was too hurting, too shocking. i dun wan to blast everything out to you, so i ran away.

away and away i go...

2008-01-07T00:15:00.000+08:00

went for blaw discussion yesterday and we were so stressed up over the qns that we were talking rubbish (mostly not by me. lol.) and laughing so loud that i think the whole mac de ppl think that we are the most nosiy bunch there. lol.

conb presentation later! finally it's the final lap of the project. this project i did it sooo tiringly, and it's a test of my own EQ and IQ. hope everything can end with a beautiful FULL stop tml. pray that i can finish the slides in like 3min. lol. a bit impossible la. after conb, is ecm and blaw to focus on. think i'll be starting some of my revision this week. since projects are going to be due, it's perhaps time to start revising for the 6 freaking papers i going to have. >.<

eh. while typing, i have came to a conclusion that the word business is actually a word that spells out that it is a very busy subject to take. coz busi (busy)-ness ma, if u split the word up! lol. entertain myself here. lol.

sometimes, when u're in the midst of really breaking down, and someone tells you they will be by ur side, it's really heartwarming. mayb it doesn't mean a lot to another person or even to the person who said it, but it means everything to the person who hears it. coz that's what they are looking for, someone to really stand by them, to give them all the support they actually need. and just a simple sentence or word will do, it will make all the difference. so, thanks for telling me that in this very moment. =)

2008-01-02T23:02:00.000+08:00

before my bdae is officially over with the tick of minute hand past 12midnight, i wan to wish myself HAPPY BIRDAE!! lol. it's something i do every year ok. lol.

this year's bdae has been memorable and nice as well. with dear celebrating with me, every simple thing becomes special. lol. =) thanks to each and every one who has wished me "happy birdae". every greeting represents a present to me. lol. the most memorable gift i've received is from my stupid partner. lol. right from the start i saw it, i laughed non stop sia. lol.

and thanks to my dear friends who sang bdae songs for me and threw my face as well. lol. everything is appreciated!! it's been a fun day and each "happy birdae" greeting makes me feel warm coz ppl rmb my bdae at least! lol. and xiaoling from my tuition class in sec3&4 sent me a sms to wish me! lol. was totally taken by surprise.

this year, i shall enjoy, laugh, cry, go through pain. all in all, i will enjoy my 19th year to my best even in the midst of all busy work! lol. i will also learn to grow up and be less childish. instead, i will consider switching over to being young at heart. LOL.

that's all. got to do my pt for conb. on my bdae. lol. siannnn

2008-01-01T00:28:00.000+08:00

like these balloons, i'm going to let 2007 go and welcome 2008!!
before i go on to the new year, always a must to wish everyone HAPPY 2008!!! hope it will be a good year! if not, semi-good is also fine wif me. lol.

2007, lots of things happen and while there are bad, there are also good as well. and i choose to rmb the good so that i will be happier! lol. the best thing that i could rmb that happened is that: i met you. =) to me, it's really hard for two persons in this everyday world to meet and be frens, let alone be each other's dear. so, i'm really happy that 2007 was made nicer with ur presence around. =D.

resolutions are a tradition, so here are mine! not too many, just 3 will do. coz i scared cant fulfil. LOL.
1. treat dear better.
2. drop all masks that i put on in front of my frens.
3. enjoy each bits and pieces of life coz i only live once. lol.

that's all! enjoy the new year people! =)

2007-12-31T13:46:00.000+08:00

hmm. typed a long long post last night and while i wanted to post it, blogger got error!! so, i gave up and went to sleep instead. lol.

anw. todae is the last day of 2007 le, after 12am tonight, have to start welcoming 2008. sad to say, i still dun feel like leaving 2007 coz it feels like i haven really enjoyed it to the fullest. then "swoosh!" and it's the end. well, but it's been a nice year thou didn't really got the chance to enjoy it coz there were much more agony than enjoyment, with all the projects and what's not. seriously this year showed me the raw faces of each and every person i've met. the past facade put on by them was removed and their true faces were revealed. in a way, therefore, i've learnt to accept ppl for who they actually are. learnt to accept ppl's straightforwardness, no matter how hurtful their words may sound but i noe it is for my own good and so, i have been learning to accept criticisms. ppl changed a lot this year as well, while i am stunned by the changes and baffled as to why they would change into who they are now. i've been asking myself whether i was the one who changed? and yes, i have changed. changed to one who is less fake, i guess. in front of my frens, i no longer hav to force myself to treat them nicely when i am actually not happy with them. i just treat them as how i am feeling inside me. some said i became more sensitive, but i dun think so seriously. if u noe me well, u should noe i am one who doesn't get angry and pissed easily. in fact, this whole year, only that k person made me angry. the rest made me hurt more than being pissed. pissed should be a more prideful word for being hurt, i guess.

anw, received an email form my psycho group mate last night and along with her attached work, was a whole para of words. read thru it and smiled at the mail. in it, she wrote that "it has been really nice being in the same grp as u guys and i really enjoyed laughing tgt with all of u guys!" really, reading it made me smiled at my screen. in the psycho class, it is always an experience i could nv get anywhere else. it is a class where everyone is so true to each and every indivi that there are no fake fronts put on, all of us just treat each other the way we wan to treat them. perhaps it is because we dun meet everyday that we dun get much conflicts. there are no class politics as well, just a plain nice class. and the grp i was in was a fabulous grp as well. i laughed along with all of them, perhaps more than the laughter i would ever had while doing grp work. i threw my face tgt with them, laughed hard and worked hard tgt. i guess when i leave SP, the class i will miss the most is gonna be this psycho class. thou no one in the class will see this, but THUMBS UP for my psycho class! love all of u all! u're one of the best things that has happened to me this yr.

also, psycho class really taught me a lot thigns that i would not be able to learn in normal lesson. most importantly, it has taught me how to face up to myself truthfully. alright, back to do my work. shall update when it's nearing to midnight! =D

2007-12-27T19:16:00.000+08:00

爱

如果有一种力量
能穿越悲伤
我想那是爱
让梦想装上翅膀

如果有一种答案
让生命坚强
我想那是爱
让幸福在每个人
心上绽放

哪怕再大的风浪
拆不散我紧握的手掌
永远朝着爱
给的方向
坚持一直握在手上

哪怕会遍体鳞伤
心甘情愿为爱去闯
像飞蛾扑火只因为爱的召唤
就算化为灰烬
拥抱了土壤
却播种下爱的希望

for those who watch this show--tian tang niao. this is the theme song. i find it veri nice! lol. coz it has an innocent feeling to it, mayb coz sang by small kid. enjoy!

2007-12-26T00:49:00.000+08:00

as mentioned earlier, i'm here to do my update! lol. did a mini check this morning and found out that i still got like loads of things left undone. til now, i'm still rushing my psycho report which to my horror, i found out that it is to be due the earliest coz i'm going to present it in the first week. oh! and hrm too.

oh man. the following few days i can onli see the word "project rush" written in my brain. sian. but after fun, there's bound to be not-fun right. oh well.

backtrack to ytd. celebrated the first x'mas tgt with dear. went dinner with his frens at changi airport there. lol. coz they thought there would be lesser ppl there. lol. but, still got a lot of ppl. but the service at the fish&co there quite good coz the staff veri friendly. den by the time dinner ends, it was quite late already and my parents set me a curfew after i confessed to them everything. lol. so, had to go home. and the mrt was super duper squeezed la. cant imagine how orchard would look like. lol. flooded with ppl ba. lol. den after that went somewhere to exchange our presents. lol. came home and slept with a smile. =)

wah. i spent so long typing this entry. lol. and i haven start on my psycho report. alright, got to go. tomolo going lib to do my report coz home is like quite noisy. lol. the main culprit being my mum. =x

2007-12-25T15:14:00.000+08:00

ahhh. was doing my psycho report halfway and now, having gstric pains. sian. think is coz i added in too much chilli in my chicken rice. so, with my psycho report only like 1/5 completed, i'm sipping warm milk and trying to do at the same time. lol.

aiya, my mum rushing me to go out. shall update later on when i come home. till then~

2007-12-23T19:06:00.000+08:00

woah. the past few days had been rush rush rush for me. and the earliest time i slept this week was at like 2am? lol. seriously begin to doubt whether this is my hol anot. lol. after i went out with jinhong and idiot that day, the next day, went for project meeting for ecm at mac den after that was more christmas shopping. lol. i nv knew it could be sooo hard to find a present and liming and me can go crazy. lol.

den after that, the next day, went out with my sec sch frens and had to go sch to settle some things. that day was really a mad rush. everything had to be quick quick quick coz i was like late for meeting my fren, and we still had to get my another two frens their belated birdae presents. lol. but we found it veri fast den went to meet them. lol. and time seemed to go back to the sec sch days where we would sit in the canteen or some place and just talk. and there were no projects or whatsoever on my mind, just plain catch-up session with them. really nice. :) and found out some really bad news and then reminds me once again that things can always be soo unpredictable. oh well.

den ytd, went for wsc de bbq. it was quite a failure i think. hmm. coz seriously, there were too much things for me to handle this week. too many meetings, outings, etc. and too little time. but, it's over. learn from it and get over with it.

and den, todae is the most carefree day i could ever wish for. it's the onli day where i can just clear my huge pile of "to-do" list. but then, so far, i've onli striked one off my list sia. lol. nvm, still got night time to do. and i didn't had time coz i talked like 3 hours with my mum from the time i worked up todae. -.-but at least, i've cleared up with her and i'm awaiting for my death when my dad comes back tonight. =S but it's worth it la.

hmm. nothing to blog abt le ba. have a warm and nice christmas everyone! next week is post-christmas-cum-project-rush week liao le. lol. so, be sure to enjoy the first 2 days!!

2007-12-19T12:46:00.000+08:00

CHRISTMAS COMING IN LESS THAN A WEEK TIME!! lol.

hmm. after christmas, it'll be the end of 2007 le. so fast.
2007, a year, well-spent? hectic?
it's definitely a year which i dread.
learnt the true faces of ppl. including my family when i was in times of distress and pain.
the hard, true facts of the four letter word--LIFE.
was disappointed with everything but then, happy with one thing. lol. i'm so contradicting.
been really busy this year, with psycho and what's not.
but although it has not been smooth-flowing, it was still a sweet year.
one which i enjoyed, more than 06,05 and the earlier years.

christmas wishes for many ppl might include having lots and lots of presents and all.
but for me, i only have one simple christmas wish. one only, so i hope santa would be nice enough to grant me my wish. it's not a simple wish, it's not something tangible that's why it makes it even harder to be fulfilled. and i can only fulfill this wish with my own strength (i dun mind some luck from santa! lol). if it's something tangible, it can still be fulfilled quite easily coz it's available somewhere in the world. but for my wish, nah, it's not readily available. but, i shall try hard!

alright. got to go and prepare for my shopping time with jinhong and idiot! lol.
i'm going to be sooooo late.

2007-12-17T00:55:00.000+08:00

u're not me, how would u noe how i feel.
it seems so simple to you, but it's so hard for me.
what's hard for some ppl might be really simple for others.
but have one ever put themselves in that person's shoes and think about it,
how hard it is for them.

i admit, i admit.
i'm a coward to not to face up to it.
but i'm scared.
scared of losing anything and everything.

how i wished that everything was simple.

well. enough of all that. anw, just saw quite a good fren turning into what i was in the past. being competitive and all that. judging by me, mayb cant see that i'm a veri competitive gal. lol. but in the past, i was damn competitive that even i hated myself. and i did not wan to do anything that my competitor was doing, i wanted to do someting different from her so that i can win her. now, looking back, it was really stupid. what's the point of competing with others? what's the point of wanting to win ppl? i found myself quite childish sia. lol. but now, i've grown up. lol. or i hope so. and i'm still competing, but with myself. lol. comparing and competing wif myself is something that is quite not-that-damaging. lol. ppl may disagree but i feel that if i compete with myself, it serves better purpose and no one can beat the person inside urself. lol. if compete with others, once u get better marks than him/her, u would get real happy and all that. but the benchmark is onli that him/her. but if u compete with urself, u can set ur own benchmark. lol. confusing.

back to writing my psycho report. i wan to learn to be empathetic to ppl. lol.

2007-12-16T00:08:00.000+08:00

it's sunday now. basically, i didn't do anything for the whole day just now except finding recipes for cupcakes and i found one website where the cupcakes are really really veri pretttty! wan take a look? click here

but wont be so hard on myself coz it's still hols. lol. but den thinking of the amount of projects to do, guess i have to start work tomolo already. but then tml i'll be trying to make plain cupcakes so that we can try to deco on mon. and also to verify whether the "oven" in my house is a real oven or onli a microwave oven. lol. the verdict will be out tomolo! wait for it k. lol. and also, i wan to learn how to make. lol. if not i feel that i'm veri useless like that. lol. =X.

2007-12-15T00:13:00.001+08:00

hmm. haven been updating recently coz there was far too much things to do this week, despite it being the last week before the 2weeks hols come. had my psycho test todae and the mcq were so hard! it's basically a mixture of memory work and application work. and one qns went like this-- "tell you what.. go on to answer one more qns and dun give up ok? (what technique am i using to persuade u to finish answering the qns?)"

LOL. i read le, feel like laughing out but it's a test and no one was laughing in the classroom sia. so i kept my laughter to myself and went on finishing the paper. lol.

but, at least it's over. and before the test, the teacher smashed 2 report deadlines into our faces. @.@ now, 2 more reports to rush and hand up after the break. sian. one is individual, one is group. and my next week is like fully booked by projects and club events except fridays and sundays. lol. and it's supposed to be a BREAK?

but one thing i've decided to do this break is to get enough rest coz i cant stand my dark eye circles anymore. lol. getting darker sia. and when i look into the mirror, i was shocked. lol.

that aside, there's been a lot of backstabbing happening all around me and i personally think it's the lowest form of atack to another person. why would anyone wan to harm someone behind their back and still pretend to be nice in front of them? so fake la!

and i remembered i had a lot to blog about but i forgot all liao le. lol. til i rmb den i'll update some really worth-to-read content ba. lol.

hai. i need courage, care to spare any?

2007-12-09T17:15:00.000+08:00

it'll be ok,
it'll be over,
hang in there.

2007-12-08T15:39:00.000+08:00

after the shower of rain, i believe i will see a rainbow.
after all these projects and ppt, i believe i will see a more grown up me. lol.
coz of the rainbow, i'll hang on;

seriously, projects really make me grow up. it's not only the knowledge side that grows, it also teaches us the ways of dealing with ppl. sounds a bit violent. lol. i've promised myself not to work with that idiot again after uccd. but then, this time round, again. i had to work with him. sad thing but then i told myself that it's another experience as well. to let me know how to deal with this kind of ppl. i really really really hope that he can go to the entrepreneurship concentration so that i wont kana doing project with him again. the mad rush of projects, the last min work. all these are soooo him. mayb he can take it. but i cant work with this style. i dun like him, i despise him for treating his frens that way and i look down on the two that always hang out with him. really stupid to not to noe that he is just using them. but. i still have to put on a smile when i talk to him. the smile is not genuine, it's so fake that i cant take it myself. lol. but then, in front of him, this type of behaviour is like "small house see big house". coz he himself is like more fake than me 10 TIMES.

ytd during psycho, watched a video about eating disorders and the way how the media actually uses ads to encourage ppl to not to eat in order to be slim. and all these are for the sake of earning money. it's so unethical. but then, the teacher was like telling us that the media and the different companies also have no choice if they wan to earn money. it is how the society defines beauty. and for me, real beauty lies in the heart of ppl. u're kind, u're truly beautiful.

but what the teacher say about business world is quite true. it's all veri practical. i dun like. lol. mayb i should think of changing my course? LOL.

2007-12-05T22:33:00.000+08:00

PSCM-settled.

whether it's good or bad, pscm presentation and the report are finally over. so, one project striked off the list. sian. and hols coming le. actually not hols la, it's project rushing week. lol. dun think i going to work in precious thots le. that person nv call me. but if call, den i'll also not work ba. i forgot i still have my psycho project and two reports for that to hand in after the 2weeks break. so essentially, there's no break at all. lol. but i wan to use the hols to rest also before exams set in.

just found out that someone actually passed away. i think it does not matter whether it's true or it's being frabricated. but the fact that it was so sudden and that the person was someone i actually had contact with a few months ago still leaves me feeling a bit blank? lol. dunno how to describe the feeling also. just so.. scary.

and it just reminds me more that we should cherish life and the ppl around us. imagine one day the person closest to us just went away like that. cant imagine it. lol. treat life as a journey of forgive and forget--forget as in forget those unhappy things la. mayb it's right to say that life's really too short for any hatred and regrets.

gal, cherish everything.

2007-12-04T00:13:00.000+08:00

hai. there's so many things to do nowadays, and just when i had typed out a nice post, blogger had to eat it away! >.<

after so long, i'm starting to feel the stress coming in. not that there has not been stress all along. but now, it has come to my absolute threshold that there is stress and huge amounts of it. reports due, ppt due but all not done up yet. someone, pls save me! hai, and i think cant get it done up tonight le. and the ppt is like on wed so tomolo muz chiong finish liao. and my leg is not listening to me again coz it's starting to hurt. hai. why everything come tgt at once? makes me feel like i cant take a breather and this feeling is really veri scary and not nice at all. i think the onli way i can do to relieve stress is to cry. lol. from just now til now when i've been thinking that there are so many things to do but all not done up, i've shed tears for like 4, 5 times. lol. and i'm now super prone to tears. so, dun say sad things in front of me if possible, if not, i dunno what'll happen to my tear ducts. lol. and as if projects are not stressful enough, BD grouping is also causing me a headache. retail ppl! come out come out pls.

ya, it's all my fault. i shouldn't have wrote that post or whatsoever. it's all my hand's fault. so can just keep the issue away? i dun wan talk about it anymore coz i am really really really really really really really really really really very very very very very very very very very very very tired. repression, denial whatever u call it, i need my ego defense mechanism coming into work right now.

someone, tell me that everything is going to be settled, tell me it's going to be fine, tell me it will be all over in a short while.

i miss my bed, my blanket, my room. =(

2007-12-02T12:39:00.000+08:00

when things get complicated,
when u're given the verdict before u can try out ur case,
when everything is misundertstood,
when u cant explain it coz u're not allowed to,
when it all turns black n bitter,
i'm leaving.

not coz i'm a coward,
i tried to save everything from the start,
but i dunno what to do now,
it's so tiring to me,
i have to leave all these behind.

it's not pure running away,
it's giving up on this,
on everything.

let it all fade,
let it all drain away,
along with my tears.
as i cried,
i told myself,
'it's the last time i'll be crying for you'.

goodbye, beautiful stranger.

2007-12-01T00:15:00.000+08:00

it's friday again and had some psycho games just now. as usual, it was a laughing session instead. lol. but sort of helps to destress also. so, still quite ok.

finally. pscm report was handed in todae. but right up next (sounds like tv programme) is pscm ppt, which is on wed and which means i hav to wear formal to gems and to wsc de meeting. -.- sian. and time really passes so fast. tomolo my parents they all going to japan le. =( so hav to go my grandma's house on sunday. meaning i hav to wake up earlier than my normal timing for sch. i think i'll be late coz now i'm like late almost everyday le, cant imagine what'll happen if i go to my grandma's house. hai.

and there's psycho test on mon. ready to kill more of my brain cells. lol. it's all memorising sia. and todae the teacher was telling us to get ready our spss notes coz might use it in psycho. lol. and he said the last research paper which we are doing in yr3 might need it. sian. when can spss leave my life? lol.

anw. talked about the different types of friendship in psycho todae. there are mainly 3 types-utility, pleasure and perfect friendships. utility means that u are frens wif that person coz they are useful to you, pleasure means that u are frens wif that person coz u feel happy by their presence. the last one, most rare one is that u are frens with that person coz u like him/her for who they really are. and my fren sitting beside me asked, "do u hav the 3rd type of friendship?" upon reflecting, i told her that i dun have. lol. it's sad how we live about 19 years of our lives but we still dun hav such perfect friendships. and we were like sadly saying most of our friendships are utility-based. lol. but then, we concluded also that there is actually a perfect friend in our lives. guess who? clue: this person plays both roles, that of a perfect friend and another role, but is not within family de. lol. guess!

so tired~ tonight muz sleep earlier. haven been getting enough rest for the past few days.

2007-11-27T17:43:00.000+08:00

didn't go to sch todae. dun think i can stand the pain from 9-5 so stayed at home. and then, went to the clinic once again to see the doc for mc. lol. and it was a different doc this time round. looks more kind, i would say. lol. he gave me painkillers and told me panadol wont help coz the pain is more than what panadol would be able to treat. hmm. quite thoughtful. LOL. and he gave me 4 days mc coz he said just in case i still dun wan to go sch tomolo. lol.

and the painkiller is so tiny compared to the ones i have to pump into my body everyday. but, i still didn't eat, dun wan to add on to my body's pill intake. wait til i cant take it den i'll take the painkiller ba. and it's veri filling having to pump 10 pills everyday into my body. wonder how those cancer patients take it, having to eat soooo many pills per day. that's why muz take care of health. dun feel like eating the pills anymore. but if dun eat, wont recover. -.-

pscm report submission coming! =S hope we can really pull it off.

and i found my thumb drive le!! lol. i think i'm like super lucky coz my sec sch fren happened to sit in my seat den she picked it up by chance. talk about luck.

梁静茹07国语专辑（崇拜）
梁静茹 - 每天第一件事

你送的灯　像在床头放了星星
让我每一个梦　都闪耀着暖意
在捷运里　一通贴心的简讯
赶走了　我的蓝色星期一
你翻杂志　费心挑选的餐厅
不管它好不好吃　我都笑得满意
我打了一年　还没送你的毛衣
你介不介意　我改打围巾
每天张开眼睛第一件事就是想你
空气有草莓的香气
每天幻想柳橙色的为俩盖在草地
让我们发明最美的约定

你的周围　太多事要你烦心
就算我帮不了忙　至少让你放心
我努力克服　容易害羞的毛病
敢和你　抢着先说我爱你
每天张开眼睛第一件事就是想你
空气有草莓的香气
每天幻想柳橙色的为俩盖在草地
让我们发明最美的约定
每天分手回家第一件事就是复习
快乐和感动几比几
每天都是因为你而看见风和日丽
你为我发明最美的天气
好像新鲜果汁　纯粹的透明
你在我马克杯上　画上了一颗心
你是我今天　醒来第一个原因
这一次　先听我说我爱你
这一次　先听我说我爱你

*sweet song.

2007-11-24T19:00:00.000+08:00

wanted to blog last night but blogger ate up my post. but just as well, coz i was feeling horrible last night after i discovered that i left my thumbdrive in the ecm lab! how stupid can i get, i kept asking myself. hai. and might hav to redo pscm. i pray and hope that whoever picks up my thumbdrive would be kind enough to return it to SB office or the technicians there. *cross fingers* thanks weixin for helping me to go sch check todae! =) but i think mon i'll go check myself ba, no need to ma fan you also.

ytd's psycho lesson's game was interesting. lol. and funny as usual. and during the last game, our back had a piece of paper sticked to it and we had to go around writing something nice about everyone. lol. and u can choose to not to disclose ur name. i wrote on everyone's paper and everyone did the same to me. lol. and i'm going to frame it up coz it contains all good points about me. LOL. see le will hav high self esteem. wan to noe what they wrote? lol. but i wont tell coz it's like i'm praising myself like that. lol. but the piece of paper was really interesting.

having so many lessons of psycho, i think it helped me changed my perception a lot so though it's really tiring having to attend lessons til so late at night, but i dun regret my choice coz to me, it's not only an additional dip, it is a place and lesson where i can be open with myself and think and learn about things that i normally would not notice. and it helps me understand myself better as well. also, it helps me open myself to others' perspective-something i really could not do in the past. it also helped me explain why ppl behave in the way they are.

ytd, we were talking about our expectations of others. and reflecting back, i realised that i'm always expecting ppl to do certain things for me and when they dun, i get all disappointed and sad, coz to me, whenever there's something wrong, i'll always be willing to do everything to help him/her. so, in return, i would expect them to do things for me whenever i need them as well. and i realised that it would be better if i actually let go of my expectations of others coz they're not obliged to fulfill my expectations, i think.
it's so much like how i expected u would change, that u would always understand me, be my listening ear, be my really good friend, but, it's time perhaps to cut off my expectations of you.

therefore, i've decided, i'm going to try and slowly stop expecting others to do things for me. i cant be greedy.

sometimes, things are really beyond my control and it's not that i dun wan to do so, but i just cant. dun say til like i'm not cherishing things. i am. but the kind of stress is... so compelling. hai. blame it on me not facing to the truth ba.

on a happier note, went to cut my hair todae le, like finally. lol.

2007-11-21T00:31:00.000+08:00

i think next time i do project i'll never choose india as a market to promote and sell my products. so hard to find those shops la. till now, i still cant find one. lol. nvm, tomolo can continue.

had 5 hrs of break todae and did pscm, finished almost half of it and we aim to finish by this week. lol. coz next week hav to hand up le so even if dun wan finish by this week also die die muz finish. lol. and i'm super duper glad i didn't choose scm as my second yr option. think i'll faint from counting all those unit load devices, distri strategies and the lead times. no wonder, scm ppl earn big bucks but not a veri popular option. coz it's so confusing and hard. lol.

hmm. this week has passed generally at quite a fast pace. it's already into wed le and 2 weeks later my parents will be in japan. lol. sian.

off to bed liao le. tomolo's lesson starting at 8 instead of 8.30. it's a hectic week. and next week when all the deadlines start to kick in, i can foresee a monster week. =S

2007-11-17T17:19:00.000+08:00

ahh. it's saturday today and i cant enjoy it at home coz hav to go for class bbq later if not like veri anti-social from the class. lol. and it just reflects every bit of the working world we will enter into in future, isn't it? hav to go for those social gathering even when one doesn't feel like it. up to a certain extent, i feel that one loses himself/herself when they go out to work in future. pathetic.

we've counted and i've found out that i've got like tons of projects on hand.

let's count:

1. psycho group report due on __.

2. pscm report due on week10

3. hrm report due on week 12

4. ecm report part 2 due on __.

5. conb report due on __

6. blaw report coming in future.

and i think that projects not only test us on our knowledge, it also involves a test of emotions and EQ. doing a project and trying to churn out a report is veri stressful but it's important to keep ur cool as well. if not, ppl might not want to work wif you in future le. and it does not mean a "i have a short temper so no choice" gives u the excuse to vent ur temper on group mates. coz it's not the group mates' fault right, if u wan vent, it's better to vent it on the lecturers who gave us the report to do, isn't it? i didn't wan to talk abt this but i wan to be truthful to u coz u're someone that matters to me and u're my fren. and i seriously hate one who vents their temper on me when it's not my fault. i'm ok with any other things but i will lose my temper if one vents their temper on me. once, my mum was in a bad mood and she was like scolding everyone in the house, including me. i tried to bear wif it but in the end, i just shouted out that she has no right to vent her temper on us just coz she's in a bad mood. and she was stumped. lol. so, pls dun ever vent ur temper on me. i simply hate it.

and weixin, it might be imp. to try and hide ur emotions in some situations but it's also imp that u dun hide ur emotions all the time and pretend to be happy ma. if like that, den ur life is black and white le leh, instead of colourful. and u're not useless ok, everyone has their own good and bad, including you. so, dun be lost anymore and if got anything, i'm just a phone away. and i promise i'll be a good listener and that i wont tell u any cold jokes when u're telling me ur problems de. lol.

it's quite late le, got to go get ready for the bbq. siannnnnnnnn.

2007-11-14T00:15:00.000+08:00

hmm. anything interesting that happened todae? oh ya. shared my the other half of my jacket wif liming, who being stupid stupid, didn't bring her jacket. so each of us took one side of my jacket and shared it during FM. lol. and we were laughing at the mike's vol non-stop la. and liming was being bad har. lol. and u should let andrew listen to dora's voice ma, den he wont dare to call again. LOL. =X.

den went for psycho meeting, had fair share of laughter and fan nao-ing coz had to think of games. went home at around 7, i think. and the mrt was super duper squeezed. why everyone like to take same train as me? LOL. =X came up with some stupid games le but still need to discuss tomolo coz scared the games cant be played. lol. sian~ but after this game planning, no more le. and i hav trust in my grp members. lol. so can be done de, i muz hang on to it.

todae's the day where i saw peiyin n melvin writing little cards to each other coz it's their anni and i sort of envy that they still can be so loving despite so long le. lol. it really takes effort ba, i guess. and it reminded me that todae's the 14th le. lol.

HAPPY 7 MONTHS.
been through not a lot but quite a lot. lol.
hurt, cried, laughed, smiled thru these 7 mths.
but there has never been any regrets and there never will be.
<3

2007-11-10T01:05:00.000+08:00

it's been a loooooooonnnnnnnngggggggg day todae. lol. certainly looks long. =X. went to bishan park after meeting and preparation of stuff. and passed by my dearest MF. lol. it's werid how ppl think. in the past, i used to hate going to sch there and having to see the building but now i sorta missed it. lol. the canteen, the staircases, the extremely colourful tables and chairs there. lol.

and i was having stupid migraine for like the whole afternoon la. wanted to take a panadol but decided against that coz i too long nv take tablet le later i cant swallow den it'll be super er xin. den it recovered after i took my lunch. lol. and now, it's coming back again. but i had my dinner le leh. dun tell me even my head is failing me?! dun like that leh, pls cooperate with me~ lol.

my weekends are taken up by wsc. tomolo hav to go set up booth for the charity funfair on sunday. oh ya, shun bian advertise for them.

CHARITY FUNFAIR
time: starts from 10am to 5pm.
place: bishan park, opposite spc

there would be lots of stalls and booths selling stuff coz we went there just now and thou it was super dark but we saw big tents and in the middle is a veri spacious grassland. and what's more, u'll be doing this on a charity cause coz part of the proceeds will go to charity org. and the most important thing is!! YOU WILL GET TO SEE ME! LOL. =X so come on sunday to support me!! as if anyone will respond to this and really come down. but just had to advertise for ourselves and for them as well ba. lol.

been trying to do my psycho report for like the 100000th time? no la, not so many times. but cant get into the mood to do it, i need a quiet place with the right mood to do the report. and til now, i still cant do it. think i'll go sleep in a while and try to do it tomolo instead.

2007-11-07T18:37:00.000+08:00

another song by Jay, the music is from secret de i think.

小学篱芭旁的蒲公英
是记忆里有味道的风景
午睡操场传来蝉的声音
多少年后也还是很好听

将愿望折纸飞机寄成信
因为我们等不到那流星
认真投决定命运的硬币
却不知道到底能去哪里

一起长大的约定
那样清晰打过勾的我相信
说好要一起旅行
是你如今唯一坚持的任性

在走廊上罚站打手心
我们却注意窗边的蜻蜓
我去到哪里你都跟很紧
很多的梦在等待着进行

一起长大的约定
那样真心
与你聊不完的曾经
而我已经分不清
你是友情还是错过的爱情

2007-11-07T17:10:00.000+08:00

FINALLY. i left one more paper for mst which is ecm on fri. and i can study for it whole day tomolo coz it's deepavali hol! lol. pathetic, i'm happy coz i can study for tomolo instead of going out.. hai. it'll be over soon. i hope.

wanted to do my psycho report but just no mood to do it. think i'll do it tonight. give myself sometime to relax first coz i'm super tired. hai. so many things to do and even after mst, there's no time to relax sia, there's club stuff, reports and projects due.

hmm. dunno why but just dun feel right todae right from the moment i woke up and up til now. didn't laugh much todae. but i got eat chocolate todae leh, supposed to be happy de. =( i think i'm probably getting depression. been feeling not-so-happy these few days i dunno why! and i noe i'm in a state of repression, trying to push everything aside, in more layman terms, i'm actually running away from my problems. well, at least i'm not in denial, where i lie to myself that my problems actually dun exist. i think the greatest failure in someone is to lie to himself/herself. coz why u want to cheat urself when the truth's in front of you? can lie to others, but not urself. one of my principles in life. lol. =X.

gastric's been giving me trouble these few days. luckily the pain goes away quite fast. i noe i should go see doc but to those who have been asking me to see doc, thanks for ur concern but, it's veri scary de leh. i noe u all will say, "but scary still have to go ma. if not, u wan to wait til u really got disease meh." i understand. but i still find it scary if after the checkup, the doc sits me down, telling me that i've got this, this, this. what will happen, what will i have to do? i've got so many ppl i dun wan to lose. sounds like i got terminal illness like that. lol. but the feeling of loss is so.. empty. i nv thought how it would be like but it just jolted me some day ago that losing someone dear to you, the feeling would be so real and acute. and u'll feel sooooo empty after that.

also, i think it would be real scary to just lose everything in an instant after the doc told you things u dun wan to hear at all. i had a fren in sec4, she was diagnosed to have a tumour in her brain and had to undergo operation to remove it. it was onli one or two months before o levels and this had to happen to her. so she had no choice also but to stay one more yr back. and after her operation, she told us how she reacted after the doc told her abt it. she said she just went blank and asked the doc whether he was looking at the correct report. aww. this feeling, is just so.. i dunno how to describe. but she's still living well now and became more optimistic. and it's always thru this type of things that one becomes stronger ba.

it takes courage to undergo checkups and face the results. i'm not prepared for it just yet.
it also takes courage to love someone. i hope i'm prepared to face whatever's coming my way.

let it all out.

2007-11-02T00:26:00.000+08:00

it's thurs todae, or rather it's half an hour into fri already. time really pass so fast, flipped over my calendar todae, marking the beginning of a whole new month. it feels like OCT didn't even arrive at all. lol. and this feeling is scary. =S

doing my psycho report and it's about analysing my family de. lol. although there's no limit to this report, but it's 30% and while i'm doing the report, it just really hits me about how little i noe my family. and it's the first report i rewrote 3 freaking times coz i dunno how should i go about writing it. reminds me of the time when i was drawing my family genogram during psycho class and ppl were looking into each other's genogram. and ppl were appalled that my relationship wif my parents are not that rosy-looking. hmm. do i have a face which spells that i hav a great relationship with my parents? lol. but even though i wish to hav one, sadly saying, it's not so. =( since young, i've refrained talking to my frens about my not-so-good relationship with my parents, coz it makes me feel that it is even more true that i'm not that close with them. and from then on, i've promised myself that i would treat my children well in future and that they would not get the unfair treatment that i got from my parents. but so much being said, i noe that they still care.

hmm. moving on from this depressing topic, i think my eye circles getting worse. lol. and i think it's coz i've not been sleeping early these few days. but psycho report has to be handed in on week8 and i've not even finished half of it. =( someone, pls save me.

and i just heard from the news todae that taller ppl are more likely to get cancer. LOL. i was laughing at this piece of news. lol. so weixin! it's good that we're short, at least we have a lower chance of getting cancer. and also, we're not in danger of getting strucked by lightning when we go out on a stormy day. lol. so who says short is no good? it's sooooo much safer than being tall. lol.

it's close to 1am liao le. going to sleep le. if not, i'm going to become an endangered species in the world (panda) lol.

miss everyone!

2007-10-30T01:21:00.000+08:00

ahh. it's going 1.30am liao. lol. tired~ coz i woke up super early this morning to go to temple bai bai den after that, came home took a short nap and went out for survey. and me, wenying and melvin spent almost like 6 hours trying to cover whatever we can. and the conclusion at the end of the day? that MOST people love to run away before u speak anything to them, but some still will listen to you. also, a quite popular excuse is that "i'm rushing off. so sorry." and when they walk away, u turn ard to look at them, u'll find that they still taking their own sweet time to walk. so much for bring in a rush huh. lie also muz be convincing a bit ma. =X lol.

things are just going sooo wrong nowadays. hai. but i shall press on. and i just realised that life can be said to be like the process of ironing clothes. in this case, u're the iron and the creases on the clothes are the obstacles that we face in everyday life. and so, i shall be like the iron to press on and iron each and every one of my creases flat and straight.

hmm. but it's perhaps best not to think abt anything now and focus on MST. if not, i dunno what will my mum say if my results are not what she expected. she'll surely be able to channel the blame to someone else. -.- and i dun wan her to do that.

it's a greyish month--oct. i hope nov will be better.

and i just to announce something!

i'm tired and going to sleep le. lol.

2007-10-28T01:28:00.000+08:00

go watch this video. touching~
click here -->JAY CHOU

off to sleep~

2007-10-27T16:27:00.000+08:00

had psycho lesson ytd and played games. lol. it was quite fun la. had a nice time laughing my lungs out. lol. den i had to put the lungs back. =X. lol.

elearning started, mst to study for. and i just realised we having papers everyday except on thurs. -.- altogether is 6 papers la. stupid! and i tried to study CONB todae. lol. i almost went mad. so many things to memorise! someone, pls save me. pls tell me why will some cruel lecturers put BLAW and CONB (2 memorising modules) together?! i think after the two papers, i'll be dead. lol. hmm. wanted to clear my elearning stuff. but it seems like there are still a lot of modules which doesn't allow me to do my elearning til the elearning week really starts.

and it seems like my psycho lecturers are the nicest of all. lol. coz they didn't give any elearning assignment and there's no mst for it. lol. luckily no mst if not, u will see me at the top of the tallest building in singapore (which is?) trying to fly down. lol.

i'm really glad to be able to break it off and put it all down. coz it just feels so much better not to care about you, not to let myself being manipulated by you, not to have to dampen my mood everytime i'm wif you, and not to have to try to please you. and it's impossible to care for those who are trying to spite me. it's no use trying to make me feel left out coz psycho taught me not to feel what the other person will wan you to feel purposely. hmm. a bit confusing. lol. memories would be taken wif me but i wont wan to think abt it if possible. it's nice to know a person from the start coz everything they do, it's always nice and warm. but as you got to noe a person more, as a friend, it just starts to get worse. memories are always sweet and i'll take wif me those worth remembering, and i'll throw those not worth it.
goodbye, my friend. hello, passerby.

that's all. off to studying CONB le. stop me from tearing up the notes and textbook into pieces pls. lol.

2007-10-24T22:30:00.000+08:00

realised i hasn't been updating for quite few days. hmm. part of it was coz i was busy, part of it is coz i'm lazy. busy and lazy kinda of rhymes with each other. lol. anw. was trying to do FM just now so that i can hav more free time to study for MST next week (as if!) but, the last qns was simply too long for me to complete it in a while. so i decided to use comp first. lol.

time really passes super duper fast. next week elearning den next next week is MST and it's been over one month since i've been in sem2! i cant believe it coz it feels like hols just ended. lol. MST this time round is going to be so much harder coz of the inclusion of blaw. it's so hard to decide ur stand coz the info given are sometimes so ambiguous. and hav to memorise every bit of the notes and vomit them out during the test. and i seriously think that one of the objectives of studying blaw is to make us realise that lawyers are really veri veri clever. LOL. imagine they hav to memorise so many things during their exams leh. wonder why one will wan to be a lawyer. lol.

and oct is ending soon as well. everything is like going at such a fast speed that when ppl ask me "what's the date today?" i'll still be thinking that it's only early or mid oct, when it's like nearing the end of the month liao. lol. the speed's so fast i cant keep up with it.

hmm. and i think my body's getting worse sia. in the past, however cold the lecture hall is, only my hands will be feeling veri cold. but recently, i dunno what happened, not only my hands cold, but i'll be shivering as well sia. and recently, i keep turning into bed onli at 1-2am but i still cant sleep even thou i'm super duper duper tired. den hav to wake up early in the morning. this in turn, has resulted in my headache which has been staying with me from the beginning of this week. lol. is it coz this is the last week of sch before elearning?! hmm. but like no link sia. lol. my mum is currently into nagging at me to get a checkup. but, it's too scary for me. hope my body can be more cooperative and work with me. lol.

projects piling piling-- ECM, PSCM, PSYCHO & CONB.
and i've just realised that ECM n PSYCHO same deadline and i haven started on any one of it. lol. think i should start on my psycho coz it's individual de project so easier to do since u're working at ur own time, no need for meet-ups or whatsoever.

updated. and i guess it'll remain not updated for a long time. lol. dun miss me too much huh. wah. quite a long entry. lol.

2007-10-20T18:04:00.000+08:00

can someone tell me how to solve this whole thing? i dunno what to do anymore. i can feel like i'm standing on a small piece of land. one more blow and i'm breaking into pieces.

anw. went out with the gals (mel, wx n ky) on fri. thanks for accompanying me til my psycho lesson starts. really appreciate that. =) but veri soon my fri's break going to be occupied by projects and the rushing of reports is starting all over again. hate it but no choice sia. hmm. went for lunch with the gals on fri and we took like forever before deciding what to eat. lol. that's what happen when u let 4 gals, who will say they're fine with eating anything, decide what to hav for lunch. lol. and mel, i think we took more than an hour to decide ba. we started thinking abt it during lecture le leh, remember? lol.

went for psycho after that and i almost fell asleep watching the video. so sian la, the video. lol. and i was not the onli one falling asleep! den played games. and one of the games was "turn over a new leaf" where we had to try and flip over a piece of small cloth with 8 ppl standing on it. we played with wsc de members during the treasure hunt and i can understand why they're complaining liao le. coz it's so freaking hard. lol. in the end, we didn't manage to flip over. lol. but while trying, all of us were like piggybacking each other and all that. so stupid la.

i'm going to be out of this mess and revert to my old wonderful life soon. real soon. or am i lying to myself. save me.

2007-10-18T00:12:00.000+08:00

just a random post todae. was just wondering what would it be like to miss someone who's never going to come back anymore? without experiencing, most of us would say that it's agony. but i think it's more than just agony. it's beyond the feeling of agony. the feeling of missing him/her and u wan to go and join him/her in the other world as well. but u cant do that coz u dun wan to let ppl grieve.

this random thought just strucked me when i was coming home yesterday and i saw my neighbour gazing out of her door towards the blue, evening sky. her husband passed away sometime during this year or last year. it's not the first time she does it and everytime i see her, i wan to call her "auntie" but the look in her eyes are so engaged as if she's focusing on something, so i didn't wan to disturb her as well.

and i think she's missing her husband. so she's looking towards the sky, mayb thinking of all the beautiful things they did tgt in the past. i remembered when her husband was still alive, the couple was quite close and her husband would always protect her like she's a little gal like that. and it's quite amazing coz both of them are quite old le and still as loving. but with age comes sickness and so, her husband fell sick and then had no choice but to leave her alone.

it's actually quite heartbreaking to see her looking out of the window like thinking of her husband like that. it muz be really hurtful to miss something/someone that wont come back anymore.

2007-10-16T23:54:00.000+08:00

right. it's been an emotionally tiring day. my day was ruined, perhaps, from last night. coz i had a nightmare like again?! and nope, it's not about weird marriages this time. lol. the dream veri hard to explain la. u muz experience it den u'll noe the scary-ness of it.

and the day was spolit further when i went for lecture and heard some things, which i was super angry but i didn't really show it out. coz i dun wan to vent it on other ppl when it's not their fault. but when i noe the truth, i just feel so cheated of everything we once were. and feel so abandoned, like i'm left to fend for myself alone. and i think it's the way life will be in future when we go out and work. there'll perhaps be no true souls in the ever-competitive workplace. and that's the true society ba. u cant bare ur hearts to ur colleagues coz u dunno when they'll betray u also. so, the onli way to protect urself is to build up a false front in front of some ppl. and i emphasize, some ppl onli. lol.

i dunno how to face u anymore coz it's tiring to talk to you. and Ms Tan advised us to stay away from such ppl coz they sort of sucked ur energy away such that u'll feel veri tired always. honestly, when Ms Tan asked the class whether we do hav anyone like that in our lives, the veri first person i tot of was u. i tot it would be her, but it turns out that it's u. a one-way traffic communication is just too hard to maintain a relationship, coz one will always be giving, the other recieving. it's just so....hard, so difficult. the more u try to alienate urself away from us, the more i wont care. coz i'm not someone who will react to such actions and pity u and try to pull u back into the original state again. in this situation, i'll choose to give up most of the times unless that person is someone i really really dun wan to lose.

so stop all actions to make me feel abandoned coz i've decided to put on an emotion vest in front of u to block out every little emotions i'll be feeling when i'm wif u. it's not easy but gradually, i think, it'll succeed.

and pls rmb, i didn't wan it this way as well. u pushed me away.

2007-10-14T01:09:00.000+08:00

你是答案 by 范范

如果世界忘了旋转
谁用春光让冬夜温暖
如果星星不那么灿烂
谁还会向它许愿期待她陪伴

如果今天泪光闪闪
谁让明天值得我乐观
如果怕风少了安全感
谁把我放在宇宙中心宠爱

而你是我的答案
最确定的答案
像走在一条花开的路
不会错过美满
缘分转几个弯
证明我们不会走散
学会用眼神牵手那才浪漫

你是我的答案
不变的答案
做什么都显得勇敢
顺着梦的沿岸
只有收获没有遗憾
被握着手心
看的未来永远蔚蓝

如果今天泪光闪闪
谁让明天值得我乐观
如果怕风少了安全感
谁把我放在宇宙中心宠爱

而你是我的答案
最确定的答案
像走在一条花开的路
不会错过美满
缘分转几个弯
证明我们不会走散
学会用眼神牵手那才浪漫

你是我的答案
不变的答案
有了自己的天使
做什么都显得勇敢
顺着梦的沿岸
只有收获没有遗憾
被握着手心
看的未来永远蔚蓝

而你是我的答案
最确定的答案
有了自己的天使
做什么都显得勇敢
顺着梦的沿岸
只有收获没有遗憾
被握着手心
看的未来永远蔚蓝

you're my answer.

2007-10-14T00:03:00.000+08:00

first and foremost: HAPPY 6 MONTHS!! =) 6 months, say long not long, say short not short (direct translation) lol. but it has been the happiest half year that i've spent. =)

back to life. wah. my arms are breaking liao. i think is coz i pulled it when playing lao ying zhua xiao ji ytd during psycho. u might think it's nothing violent or what. BUT. it was a violent game la. and we had to hold on to each other's shoulders real hard if not we would break the line and hav to get penalised. and coz our grp forfeit once le so cant forfeit liao. den ppl were trying to catch us and we were practically being flinged off each other's shoulders. so had to hold on tightly. and coz of that, i think i kinda pulled my arm. pain~

2007-10-13T00:04:00.000+08:00

had psycho lesson todae and i realised it's really taking a toll on me. was super tired while walking back to sch for lesson lah. den went clubhouse for a while coz it was still an hour before my lesson starts. and luckily there was no one in the clubhouse so i can enjoy the peace there. lol. tried sleeping on the table but the table was too low le. not comfortable enough. =X

and i think it's coz i haven gotten used to staying back so late on fri for lesson, that's why i so tired. mon de lesson ok leh, not that tired. lol. qi guai. anw. we played games todae. lol. and matthew's group game was tiring la. got one round was hens & chicks. and had to run around. lol. so scary. and i hurt my toe. banged it against someone's shoes while running around. and we had to form the longest line using the things we had with us there and then. and i even used my earrings la. LOL. but it was a fun lesson and interesting as well.

and thru todae's psycho cls, it jolted me with a startling fact that life can be unfair. well, perhaps u might exclaim loudly that it's a long established fact! but i seriously used to think that life can be fair. mayb i was trying to run away from the ugly side of life ba. lol. but todae's lesson brought me back to reality. and after a small reflection, i come to the conclusion that life, perhaps, is really unfair.

some people who do good things live the life they dun wan.
some people who do evil things are living well.
some people suffer the consequences of those mistakes made by others.
some people just leave this world without a chance to say a simple "bye" to their loved ones.
some people are blessed with nice people ard them while others are simply faced with fake ppl ard them.

hmm. honestly, life's quite unfair huh? lol. i dun like it. lol. but we still got to live it ba. since we cant change the way life is, we can mayb try to change ourselves to adapt to life. afterall, we've got to live it whether we like it or not.

mr ng also mentioned that life's unpredictable as well. this one, i agree! lol. life can be really unpredictable and perhaps at this min or second i'm typing this post, someone might have something drastic happening in their life. who noes the future? no one. so we can only make the best use of the present to do the things we really want coz life's changing every now and then.

wah. long post todae. lol. sian. i'm currently on a low emotions level coz i just used up all of my emotions on myself. so dun expect me to be super duper understanding now. pls pardon me, coz i had a tiring day...

and after todae, it's ecm & pscm projects coming my way~

2007-10-10T23:49:00.000+08:00

what flavor pocky are you?

[c] sugardew

lol. true? i dun think the last part is true coz i am NORMAL. not pretending ok. so insulting. lol. but anyway, i found out that chocolate flavour appeals more to me recently than strawberry. dunno why, last time used to love strawberry flavour de leh. mayb taste changes or i eat strawberry flavour eat till i sian liao. lol.

2007-10-07T23:17:00.000+08:00

spent the whole day at sentosa yesterday and i was stationed at tanjiong beach. lol. a veri peaceful and nice beach coz it's not as noisy as siloso beach and it's a place i would go for photo shoot for wedding and i really saw a bride going there for photo shoot. but didn't see her taking photo coz she go there i leave le. -.- but it would have been better if there weren't such intense sunlight and if there were fewer dogs around that area. lol. i dare not sit down coz i was prepared to escape anytime if any one of the dogs came around us. and i admit it was quite diu lian to be around with someone u dun really noe and den have to show him ur fear for something. but luckily the dogs left after a while.

did my tutorials todae (almost vomit blood and tear it up again) and i almost fell asleep while doing it. slept quite early yesterday le leh. dunno why still so tired. and my eye circles getting worse after having to sleep late on fri and wake up super duper early on sat. and it didn't help thou i went to sleep quite early last night. sch starts again tomolo. sian~

changed blog song. find this song quite sweet. lol. coz it's about the starting of a relationship, the courtship part where everything is still unsure. and i agree with elaine and mel that the wooing part is the sweetest part of a relationship. and it's so sweet that when i recall back, it still puts a smile on my face. lol. certainly brings back a lot of memories.

2007-10-03T23:45:00.000+08:00

hmm. had meeting todae and found out that joseph also has his serious de side. lol. in fact, he was paying so much attention to the meeting todae la. lol. the more i thought abt fri and sat, the more sian i become. i seriously need a morning call on sat. lol. i dun think i can wake up in time la. esp fri got psycho. @.@

came home todae and suddenly, my aunt said she wan to come to our house. so, my mum had to quickly pack things and i was supposed to help her do so thou i was really tired. and she went "linghui ah! help me...." whenever she needs me to do things for her and i think she shouted out my name at least 10 times in 1hr ba. -.- so i'm really sensitive to my own name now. so unless u're calling in a normal tone and not in a loud tone, pls dun call out my name. lol. i even told my mum to not to shout my name anymore if not i wont help her. lol. and if u think she listened to me, u're wrong! she still carried on calling la. and i was super angry wif my name suddenly. lol.

tomolo still got meeting to prepare games de stuff. sian. den after that is FRI. lol.

2007-10-03T00:17:00.000+08:00

sick.
not as in not feeling well. but just sick of everything.

sick of feeling.
sick of worrying.
sick of explaining
sick of being tired, emotionally.
sick of holding back.
sick of being so not myself.
sick of thinking.
sick of being helpless.

someone, medicine pls.

2007-09-30T17:39:00.000+08:00

the perfect song that expresses every little words i didn't dare to say. enjoy~

All That I Need
Corrinne May

I'm sorry that I hurt you
I took for granted all you gave
so freely to me
I pray it's not too late
To save you from a broken heart
To promise you
I'll make a brand new start
Believe me, when I say

You are all that I need
The only treasure I seek
You're the air that helps me breathe
through the darkest night when
I fall down on my knees
I was blind but now I see
You are all that I need

You know I'm far from perfect
Like a child that needs a guiding hand
Can you stay here with me?
I finally understand
You've always been the missing part
Complete the jigsaw puzzle of my heart
Please hear me, when I say

You are all that I need
The only treasure I seek
You're the air that helps me breathe
through the darkest night when
I fall down on my knees
I was blind but now I see
You are all that I need

Please,
let me hear your voice again
Let me hear you say
your love will never end
That whatever it takes you'll be there
Believe me, when I say

You are all that I need
The only treasure I seek
You're the air that helps me breathe
through the darkest night when
I fall down on my knees
I was blind but now I see
You are all that I need
You are all that I need.

2007-09-30T17:21:00.000+08:00

suddenly feel like going to somewhere with lots and lots of snow. lol. den if thirsty, can just pick up a ball of snow den eat like ice kachang like that. lol! =X. but i think it will be super dirty. lol. looking at the trees filled with snow makes me feel like eating cotton candy coz cotton candy also fluffy fluffy den some is white colour de. lol.

back to reality. i'm in this hot, sunny weather. lol. though it's better than raining the whole day, but i still dun like hot weather though i like the sunny feeling. so, if it's in a snowy place, even if there's sunshine, it'll still cold. wont that be nice?! lol. someone pull me back to reality, pls. lol.

anw. i've totally given up on pscm tutorial coz i dun understand anything from it. and since it's grpwork, think i'll do during the tutorial session ba. more heads better than one. so, basically, i'm free now. OH. still got my psycho journal. sian. i going to do at night coz got more feel den can write more smoothly. lol. tomolo's 2nd week of sem2. (it rhymes!) so fast. and tomolo's the beginning of a brand new month!! wah. den two more months plus plus will mark the end of 2007. so fast!! and 2008 will be approaching us veri quickly. time passes so fast that it's scary sometimes. and i cant believe my bro and sis birdae coming. >.<>

see ya tomolo in sch. it's another day where i stay in sch till the sky turns dark. sian.

2007-09-27T00:01:00.000+08:00

hmm. it's supposedly thurs now coz it's after 12am. and the first 3 days of sch has been horrendous! but the starting is always like that de ba. firstly, tutors and lecturers will be telling u what books u need to buy and the CAs, deadlines for the different modules. lol. althou in this way, tutorials gt shorten a lot more, but it's so boring.

and the buying books part is so annoying la. have to go around asking for prices den get the cheapest one, althou still will be quite expensive. lol. contradicting leh. but school's been quite ok with unique frens like liming who loves to go "eh, you veri irritating leh~" lol. =X. luckily she doesn't read my blog. lol.

and the 3 day long cca drive is finally done and over with! lol. and i no need to walk all the way to fc5 there le. aiya, forgot tomolo still muz go there de popular buy pscm de book. -.- ma fan! and the fri i'm dreading is coming.. the day in which i hav 5hrs de break. >.<

2007-09-23T17:01:00.000+08:00

it's a lazy and sleepy sunday afternoon~ (or rather, evening?)
woke up early this morning at 9am to go bai bai. lol. thanks to my mum who woke me up with her "screaming". den came back an hour ago onli.

sian. sch's starting tomolo le. =( busy busy days ahead again and it's going to be a state of rushing out reports, ppts, presenting and the list goes on and on... this time round, i feel that the hols are so short it's like we only had a week of hols den it's back to sch again. hmm. i did nothing during this hols except meetings and meetings. lol. but whoever said u need to hav something to do during hols? it's a time for relaxing! lol. comforting myself.

and! i have to go sch early tomolo to print some stuff for CCA drive. sian. which means, i cant meet up with melissa althou she denies missing me, but i noe it's not her heartfelt words. lol. dun be too sad la, melissa, we can still meet up on tues de. lol.

it's gonna be a long long day starting from tomolo~ the start of waking up early and coming home late and not being able to watch tv everyday. =( and the thing i dread most is that i hav to decide what to eat for lunch at fc6 starting from tomolo. argh. i hate deciding on what to eat, what's more i have to choose from fc6 de limited stalls. =( and, i wonder why am i not missing the food in fc6 despite not eating it for like abt 1mth le? lol. qi guai.

oh ya. and i had a freaking scary nightmare last night. =S and i hope it'll nv happen in real life.

2007-09-22T23:30:00.000+08:00

woke up early in the morning to go to sch todae to set up cca booth and the person in charge of laying out the booths was late for like 1 and 1/2 h? waited so long la. next time for this kind of stuff, cannot turn up too early. lol.

so in the end, we set up our booth. den came home, bathed, watched tv. den i watched watched watched till i fell asleep for 5-10 min. lol. during this whole month of hols, i nv watched tv till i fell asleep before sia, no matter how boring the show is. which means.. tonight muz sleep earlier liao. and! melissa suddenly called and chat to me for like an hour? lol. i noe u missed me that's why u called right. lol. mon sch reopen can see me le ma, so impatient arh u. LOL. =X. den laughed on the phone wif her, as always when we talk on the phone. lol.

nothing to update about le, i can feel i'm in a dreamy state right now. zzz. mon's sch reopening =S

2007-09-22T01:17:00.000+08:00

went out wif my mum todae to get mooncakes. lol. and going out with her means two things. one, my leg going to be veri pain coz she walks faster than me den i have to be half running, half walking to catch up with her. two, my hands veri pain as well coz i become free labour to her. lol. hav to help her take things.

den she got super super stm i think. (evidence below)
me: "why muz get mooncakes?"
mum:"coz hav to give to ppl ma."

den after about a while,

me:"why muz buy and give ppl?"
mum:"i got say give ppl ar?"
me:"you got say!!"
and she still scolded me siao. -.-

den came back home. den watched tv. den end of fri. lol.

school starting soon le and dennis sim sent us email to get us to print his notes adn tutorials le la! remind me there's still 2 more days to sch reopen. lol. planned to update a lot of things. but right now, i'm having those i-wan-to-vomit feeling. so, i forgot what to update abt le. lol. =x

2007-09-20T22:38:00.000+08:00

when i come to this page, i dunno what to type and update about le. lol. and just today, i realised how vague and useless a word of sorry means. i noe no matter how many times i say sorry to you also no use. i'm bad at consoling ppl, i admit. and so when u cried todae, i really didn't noe what to say to console you. and i noe i cant cry also. lol. it makes me feel guilty but i dun hav the right to cry coz i'm in the wrong.

and i'm sitting here, with a heavy heart, the words u said scarred in my mind. i dunno what to do anymore. and it's now, when i'm all alone that i noe i can let my mood run low mode.

someone, supply cold jokes pls.

2007-09-18T21:34:00.000+08:00

hmm. headached for almost the whole day todae and i think it's coz i had a nightmare last night. lol. the dream really veri fast-paced. LOL. and it was so real. and den woke up to help choose gems and so sorry that i didn't manage to get the slot that you wanted. =( coz the comp didn't wan to work with me. =( den felt guilty for the whole day. hmm. nvm, tomolo i'll try my best to choose the same as yours. lol.

was supposed to go to sentosa and help jinhong celebrate birdae but my ankle was still hurting coz i think yesterday walk too much le. so cant make it to sentosa. SORRY jinhong! hope you had a nice time! hmm. tomolo still got meeting for amazing race. hope i'll not be the one going. lol. sian.

2007-09-18T00:08:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRDAE TO YOU MS EE JINHONG!!!!
finally, you've grown up (in terms of age) and joined in the 18 club!!
so in the photo, only left MS ELAINE who hav not joined in our club. lol.
anyway, this post i've decided to dedicate it to the birdae gal. be honoured ok! lol.

i'm not gonna go on abt how valuable u're as a fren to me,
i'm not gonna go on abt how u've always given me advice when i needed it,
i'm not going to say how much i cherish you coz u noe it all.

instead, since u've lived 18 years of ur life in this world, i would just like to take this chance to tell you to live your life well and never ever regret anything you do. and! most importantly, no matter what you do, always think of yourself first. may sound a bit selfish but this is your life and you got to live it the way you wan it, the way you see it. and! you only live once so make good use of this life to do things u really really wan to do! =)

and i hope that you're really happy now and have a fabulous day, not onli on 18sep but also in every other day of your life! though it's impossible to hav trouble-free days, but still, stay happy!

and from here, i hope all your wishes can come true one by one and,
that you'll find someone nice to you,
find a nice boyfren,
enjoy everyday of your life,
love me more =x. lol

last, wishing you a FANTASTIC HAPPY 18 BIRDAE!!!!! =)

2007-09-16T00:59:00.000+08:00

the setting sun lays a peaceful warmth to the neighbourhood. lol. nice place right. taken from opposite my house. and the angle is just right such that i captured the setting sky. and from here look over, really quite peaceful wor.

went for a run todae at evening time coz i felt that i really veri long nv run le. almost since i kissed my sec sch and 3 months course period goodbye, i've nv really run le. lol. k la, mayb a few times but still cant be compared to running every week during PE. lol. so i went to run at yishun park todae. and my stamina is so lousy. lol. and i kept having left abdominal pains, those kinds whereby u'll experience when u walk too fast. and i think it's coz of lack of stamina. lol. it was still quite painful during dinner but now ok le. so while walking back to my home, i took a shot of the really beautiful sight. lol.

2007-09-13T23:48:00.000+08:00

went out with yiqi todae. she didn't change a lot from the past. lol. but i really cant stand that guy who is wooing her. so__. if i were her, i think i surely ask him to get lost liao. full details on what he did are so much that it's hard for me and also i'm lazy to type it out. lol. so next time den tell it to you all ba, IF i remember. lol.

and while i was taking the train to go meet her, in came a group of guys who were talking extremely loudly. and i think they just finished exercising. den one of them begin to spray LARGE amounts of deodorant around themselves. den wah, in a few seconds, the whole mrt was extremely smelly. den that guy still say, "wah. i like this deodorant, the smell veri nice." lol. i almost fainted when i hear that comment. and come to think of it, he saying himself nice smelling also leh. yucks. lol. =x.

2007-09-12T02:38:00.000+08:00

ah ha. results out le. after having so many nights of dreams abt it, finally, it's out and i can sleep peacefully le.

well. it wasn't as bad as what i would have thought it out to be. lol. not as depressing. and to think i've been pondering and worrying abt it for so long! lol. once again, dun think i'm trying to show off.

Module Code - Credit Unit - Grade
---------------------------------
MR - 4 - A
GEMS - 2 - A
QA - 3 - DIST
UCCD - 3 - DIST
FMA - 4 - DIST
SSM - 4 - B+
RWPS - 3 - B+

SEMESTER GPA: 3.848
CUMULATIVE GPA: 3.76

my results took me by shock sia. and i checked a lot of times to make sure
my name is correct. lol.
and i'm really thankful to whoever who marked my MR paper,
coz when i was doing, it was the paper that made me wan to cry out
right in the exam hall. but still, i'm glad it hasn't let me down. lol.
and i've finally proved to krishna!! lol. despite all the bias he's shown to me,
i'm glad i got dist for my fma!! lol. shows him i can do it! lol. crazy le.
and finally, is my ssm. thanks to whoever who marked it as well,
helping me to pull up from a pathetic C to B+.
and my gems really surprised me, coz it's such a difficult gem,
i nv tot to get A for it. lol. thanks to the veri kind teacher!

thanks to everyone who helped me in one way or another this sem,
whether it's just offering some encouragements or whatsoever.
thanks a lot. =D

now, i can onli noe my psycho marks tomolo. lol. sian.
but at least, i'm really happy with this sem's grades.
at least, my holidays is complete.
and i can enjoy my hols without a care in this world now. =)

off to a good night's sleep. =)

2007-09-10T21:48:00.000+08:00

few days nv update le. lol. went for jinhong's chalet on sat and laughed a lot there, all thanks to the entertainer-cum-clown, elaine. lol. den we were laughing at the chalet next to us also. coz their bbq no fire de den took veri long for something to get cooked. lol. den after that, blew out cake. and they smashed whipped cream on jinhong's face. luckily i ran away fast enough if not, jinhong would have smeared her creamed hand on me like what she did to poor kaiyin also. lol.

den had meeting in clubhouse todae. and we were supposed to meet at 1.30 but joseph and ivan came only at 2.30. which is exactly ONE hour late. lol. den we started our meeting, keep side-tracking den got pulled back by ivan. lol. but it was really funny with joseph around keep giving some stupid suggestions and comments. lol. and there was a lot of laughter at the meeting as well. lol.

i think this whole week is just meeting, meeting, meeting. tomolo got meeting also abt sentosa den wed got meeting with joanne. this time round without andrew. lol. let's see how it'll turn out ba.

2007-09-06T23:50:00.000+08:00

hmm. nothing much happened todae, but felt like something was missing. and i went to the lib todae alone coz my sis went to sch and i had to go to the lib to get myself busy so that i wont be reminded of unhappy things. seems like running away from my problems, i noe. but, i dun wan to see myself with a "smelly" face everyday.

yesterday had meeting with joanne and her boss. overall, quite ok ba. and suddenly, andrew and jinhong could make it to the meeting. lol. so it was still quite ok. and i had to admit that andrew's not a qi guai de person. lol. he's quite responsible lah, and he gives me the feeling of a big bro. lol. thou he's veri cold also. and we discovered something veri qiao.

me: "..... u hav gf ar?"
andrew: "ya."
jh: "how long?"
andrew: "almost 5 months."
me and jh: " so qiao?!"

lol. it's the same duration as me sia. but luckily dates different if not, i think me and jinhong will freak out. lol. and since his anniversary is 3 days aft mine, he asked me to remind him. -.- and yesterday, he showed me and jh his true form. he was hundred times colder than me la! so jh should be glad i haven reach his level yet. lol.

and i personally think this holiday is a repetition of the previous one. just that, this time round, i dunno what's the reason behind everything. i dun wan think too much also ba. hmm. without you here, i guess i hav to learn to revert back to the past where i only complain my problems to myself, cannot complain to others. lol. not to you, you, you. lol. hope everything's fine over there. nothing to write abt also le. tomolo's another long day~~ but surprisingly, todae passed rather quickly. lol. qi guai.

oh ya, did i mention that my family going to japan in dec. but without me! lol. coz got sch. =( thou i would hav loved to go there. oh well. think i hav to go sleep with my aunt. i wan stay home alone also my mum dun allow. lol. well, it's still a long time away.

2007-09-05T17:13:00.000+08:00

hmm. changed my blog's song le. obvious right. lol. got ears also will noe. =x

anw, this blog song sort of reminds me of the time i spent playing my dear cello. dunno why leh, coz the song some components got cello de accompanying music ba. and i really miss playing the cello. it's been close to 2 years since i touched cello. last time i played it was when i was still in SPCO but sad to say, that was not really the place for me, so i quit. and now.

i miss touching cello de strings,
i miss holding the bow,
i miss pulling the bow along the 4 strings,
i miss placing my fingers on the different positions of the string to make different sounds,
i miss hugging my cello when my hands are tired of playing it,
i miss hugging it when i'm in a bad mood,
i miss playing on it to vent out my mood,
i miss cello.

there's perhaps one good thing abt cello, that is, if u're in a bad mood, and you sort of put ur hands over the cello as if u're hugging it and putting ur heart close to the wood, it would be like u're pouring ur whole heart to the cello. it's a veri comforting feeling, coz being an instrument, it would not betray you.

my dearest.

2007-09-04T21:36:00.000+08:00

perhaps you can just shrug it off and say your behaviour is a result of your character. but mayb it's all only an excuse that u've found for your behaviour. i didn't wan to blog abt this but there's no one to complain to now! so, i can onli spill everything out here. it's frustrating, sickening and even, "awesome" at seeing how ur so-called character can make you maintain such a relationship with her. as i've said a lot of times, sometimes, forgive and forget is something you muz always learn to do. what would happen if someone does the same thing to you? wont you feel bad as well? wont you wan the other person to forgive you? do to people only things you wan them to do to you. dun do the things to people those that you dun wan them to do to you.

really, it's perhaps time to learn the virtue of forgiving. it's essential in this world todae, i think. 18 years and it's a ripe age that u should start learning this. i'll bear with this for now.

and you're the only one who perhaps will empathise wif me.

2007-09-03T23:09:00.000+08:00

life's still quite "peaceful" or u might wan to call it boring. lol. lots of club affairs and it's like doing groupwork once again. ppl cant make it to certain meetings and blah blah blah. oh well. whoever said that taking up a proj was going to be easy peesy. but since it's hols, i shall not think to much. give my brain cells a break as well.

anw, still trying to find a job despite having like onli 2-3 weeks of hols left. lol. nothing to update abt leh. so boring.

i'm sure i'll miss you.

2007-09-01T01:27:00.000+08:00

went back to sch todae or rather, yesterday since it's already past midnight now. and everything from the start of the journey just reminds me of my secondary sch days. lol.

right from the very start where i had to rush to the bus stop coz i was running 15 min late,
to still having to wait for the bus to come,
to riding the bumpy bus ride on 169,
and right up to alighting the bus and seeing lots lots lots of pp wearing MF uniforms. lol.

but something happened which did not happen for once during my 4 years of taking 169. the bell broke down. den i was the only one alighting at the stop den cant press coz no reaction de, the bell. den i quickly panicked coz the bus was going to reach the stop le. den as i was walking towards the exit, the bus BRAKED. and i almost fell forward and banged on an old lady. lol. but luckily i didn't. den i quickly go and press and press the other bell before the bus leaves. lol. i always see ppl press the bell den realise is spoiled den i'll always be wondering what'll happen if it's me. den todae, it really happened. lol.

den went in, looked for teachers. and the sch so guo fen lah, say 10.45 cant go in and see teachers le. but, as usual, rules are perhaps to be broken afterall. looked for my lit-cum-eng teacher and she was saying our batch is the best of all, with our class' boys being so entertaining. lol. or some would say childish. but we also cant deny that they are really funny clowns. lol. =x. den she said she missed teaching our cls. lol. den wanted to look for my maths teacher, but as usual, he went off too early for us to "catch" him. we got so scary meh. lol. den finally saw my chi teacher while we are leaving. and he veri gladly forgot our names den still say is coz he's slow. lol. but at least, he admitted that la. and all this while, our never-changed-a-bit OM kept blowing blowing his whistle to get us out of the sch. -.- clearly depicts the saying, "a leopard never changes its spot" huh. lol.

den after that went to lunch wif my sec sch frens. and they also never changed a bit, still can "discuss" abt a lot of ppl's things. lol. and they're just like elaine that type--veri resourceful. a lot of secrets we dunno they will surely noe de. lol. and of course spent dunno like how long "discussing" ppl. but me and jingting were bored coz we didn't noe anyone they were discussing abt since it's from their sch. lol.

went to my tuition teacher's house and had a long chat with her, at least one hour ba. lol. after so long, it's still nice to talk to her and she hasn't changed a bit. den chatted and of course did girls' fav pasttime--gossip. lol. but mainly is gossip abt those ppl who deserved the tongue lashings. lol. also talked abt each other's progress in life. and it's really nice to do that ba. sometime, some catch-up really add colours to the otherwise boring life. lol. and! my tuition teacher called me "huiling" TWICE. lol. next to do some catch-up with would be my dear primary sch fren. lol.

den came home at abt 9 plus wif my sis who ended her tuition as well. and suddenly, got gastric while having dinner. hmm. weird. den i told my mum den she said,"why will gastric? coz u nv eat in the noon right?" lol. and i told her i did eat. den she didn't say anything. and i was thinking of making a glass of hot milk for myself to stop it. veri long not that painful le sia. but as my stomach felt too full to absorb the milk, in the end, i also nv make it. lol. den after that, gradually got well.

and here i am, typing at the comp. one of my longest entry ba. lol. and i'm getting queasy again. how to sleep later?? think i muz really go to the doc's le, wait til one day i'm brave enough ba. lol. til then, hope my stomach co-operates with me. thanks my dear stomach. LOL.

2007-08-31T00:15:00.000+08:00

went out wif jinhong todae to get whatever she needs for her present to her xiaodi. lol. den after that, we rememebered clubhouse's dusty and mouldy first aid kit and we decided to get a new one. den stupid jinhong suggested to go to the place where we learnt first aid to get them. at first, i was ok with it. but upon further thinking, i began to ask myself and jinhong: "what if they dun have? den we diu lian leh." but idiot jinhong kept insisting to go and ask. and by the time we reach the level where the centre was situated, i was practically doing my best to escape from going in there to prevent throwing my face. lol. but jinhong was practically pulling my hand along. den no choice had to go in. lol. and luckily they got sell lah, if not, so paiseh sia. and they still say can go for refreshment course to refresh our memory if we forgot how to do first aid le. lol.

anyway, going back to my sec sch tomolo and to my tuition teacher's house. have to get geared up for a journey of memories tomolo. and i have to get up early. -.- so, i'm off to bed. bye.

2007-08-30T22:57:00.000+08:00

list out ur top 5 birthday presents u wish for:
- a driving licence.
- then, a car. lol.
- be able to see shooting stars.
- a cello ornament.
- everyone to be happy everyday. =)

1.the person who tagged u is:
CHUA KAIYIN.

2.ur relationship w her is:
laughing buddies, diulian-ing buddies and of course, one of the nicest frens i had.

3. ur 5 impressions of her:
- quiet
- kite (coz i think she'll fly away if the wind blows hard enough. lol!)
- tall
- makes funny laughing sounds. lol.
- has a wide range of funny expressions.

4.the most memorable thing she had done for u:
celebrated my birdae with a surprise cake. and i realy didn't suspect anything! lol.

5.the most memorable words tt she had said to u:
hmm. too many le leh. lol.

6. she becomes your lover, u will?:
i'll run away!! i scared edwin come and... lol.

7.if she's ur lover,what she has to improve on:
grow fatter so that more sense of security. lol.

8.if she becomes ur enemy,u will?
convert her back to my fren again? lol.

9.if she becomes ur enemy,the reason is:
she's growing thinner. lol. bad for health den i'll be angry at her den enemy. lol.

10.the most desire thing you would like to do for her now is?
lend her everything she needs.

11.your overall impression of her:
nice gal.

12. how do you think ppl ard u will feel abt u?
hmm. blur, careless, someone who would rather run away from problems than try to solve it and lame? lol.

13.the character u love abt urself is:
be able to comfort myself MOST of the time.

14.on the contrary,what charcter u hate abt urself:
unable to make ppl feel better when they can do so for me. =(

15.the most ideal person i would like to be:
someone called LING HUI. lol.

16.for the ppl who cared & liked u,say smthg to them:
thanks for always being there when i needed you all. sometimes, a pair of ears or eyes is perhaps already enough. and i may not say it often but i do love all of you to bits! lol. and i may not be able to help much but i'll always be here ya? =D

17.pass this quiz to 10 ppl tt u wish to know how they feel abt u. *no tag back!!*
1) nelson
2) huijia
3) chow xuan
4) fang
5) melissa
6) jinhong
7) weixin
8) elaine
9) rafie
10) baoxin

who's n.o 2 having relationship with:
lol. no one ba.

is n.o9 a female/male:
male.

if n.o 1 & 10 be tgt,will it be a gd thing:
LOL. i practically laughed out. hmm. but no.10 veri veri tall leh. can ask jinhong. lol.

how abt n.o 3&4:
lol. unless they're lesbian if not, might not be a good thing. lol.

n.o 2 studying abt:
JC de stuff? lol.

when was the last time u'd chatted with n.o 3:
veri veri long le, kinda miss her laughter.

what kind of music does n.o 8 like?
rock?

n.o 6 has any siblings?
ya, one elder brother.

will u woo n.o 3?
no! lol.

how abt n.o7?
i've even given my first kiss to her le la. lol.

is n.o 4 single?
ya, think so.

surname of n.o 5:
wong

what's the hobby of n.o 5:
diu lianing?

n.o 3 studying at:
SP.

have u try developed feelings for n.o 8?
NO WAY!.

where does n.o9 live?
er, dunno leh.

what colour does n.o4 like?
not sure leh.

is n.o 1&3 best friend?
no. 1 is more than best fren, and no. 3 is good fren ba. lol.

does n.o 7 like n.o 2?
they nv seen each other how to noe. lol.

how do know u n.o 2?
my good fren in sec sch.

does n.o 5 has pet?
dun think so. lol.

2007-08-29T00:44:00.000+08:00

going into the 5th day of holiday? lol. went out wif jinhong todae? or rather ytd since it's past midnight. went ard ikea and it was EXTREMELY cold. my hand felt like ice lo. lol. keep trying to warm it but to no avail.

dun feel like sleeping early tonight, dunno why. was veri tired just now de. but now, thinking of some things make me dun feel like sleeping le. will there be a time whereby one will stay up all night till the next day to spend their time thinking abt things and den crying his/her troubles out into the pillow? hmm. den next day will feel better ma? lol. dunno, mayb one day ill get the chance to try it? lol. but i'll surely fall asleep.

when things get too difficult, i'll be here to stand by u.
sometimes, when i dunno how to help you, i brace myself up not to let the water find its way down my cheeks. coz when u're weak, i have to be strong, when u're sad, i hav to be happy.
and it's at a time like this, when ppl think too much that i began to hate hols. i rmb the last long hols, i was trying to occupy myself with so many things in order not to let myself think too much. should start that again, i think. hai.
just wanted to remind u that, u really deserve something better. loving urself is much more worthwhile than u-noe-what.
why put urself down to so much misery coz of another person?
and what's the use when no one appreciates it?
dun do this to urself la, it just aches my heart-

2007-08-27T20:44:00.000+08:00

changed my blog's url for the sake of privacy. and onli those whom i wan them to read this blog would be informed ba. that'll make this blog more private to me, i hope. lol.

didn't had a veri good night's sleep yesterday. in fact, it was a strange night, as if i didn't really sleep at all. lol. first, when i drifted off to sleep, i dunno whether it was a dream or what, but i felt like my appendix was aching whole night den like i woke up a lot of times in the night. and i also changed my sleeping position a lot of times to stop it from hurting. but when i woke up at around 7 am+ (thanks to my mum who was making so much noise that she woke me up) , i didn't feel any pain leh. hmm. den i went back to sleep again, den had a nightmare about you. =S den my mum woke me up AGAIN coz she forgot her keys. -.- den i lie here and there on the bed den got up le. lol. bad night. hope tonight no more dreams, nice ones can but bad ones, keep it away pls.

was supposed to go to sch todae wif jinhong, but since the gloomy weather was threatening me not to go, we changed to going there tomolo. lol. and i stayed at home, tidying my drawers and cupboard. still left one more drawer. tomolo den i continue. lol. and while i was tidying, was reading thru some of the letters my frens sent me. and it's really a good feeling to think abt the past, to be able to go back to the past secondary sch days for a while. really sweet and i would be smiling to myself as i read those letters. that's what i like abt letters i guess, brings back memories if u keep it in a place for 10 years den u take it out and read. no matter at that time how bitter the memories are, when u read it again aft a long time, it'll still be sweet. =)

it's the little things that counts.

2007-08-26T23:57:00.000+08:00

went to my grandma's house todae and as usual, it was my little cousin entertaining me, showing me how he had his tkd practices and all that. lol. and thou his talking was more of a lullaby to me than something exciting, but he keep wanting to take me and my sis for demo of his skills. lol. which strongly alerted me when i was close to falling asleep when listening to him talk. lol. and he says lies without changing his expression. lol. and of course i believed him, den he suddenly say:" no lah, bluff you de." i almost wanted to kill him. =x lol. he's my daily entertainment whenever i go to my grandma's house.

anw, our club's treasure hunt was quite successful, all details pls go to our club link at my links there if u're interested to noe what happen. and during the event, i've found out what's the tolerance level for me, surprisingly, it's quite high, despite having to walk to and fro, to and fro under the big sun. BUT, i didn't complain. or was it because there was no one beside me to complain to? lol. i choose to believe in the first one. lol.

i'm mentally n emotionally sick of everything.

2007-08-24T23:45:00.000+08:00

FINALLY. exams over le~ and it's holiday time!! =D see the watermelon here also as happy as me, it's smiling also. lol.

after that, went clarke quay there wif weixin they all. and we walked from there to city hall. my legs almost dissolved into thin air. lol. so suan. but that time when i walked there, not as suan leh. hmm. getting older le. lol. but i think not as old as weixin da-jie ba. LOL. =x oops.

everytime after every exam, i would learn something new. whether it's to learn not to be careless anymore or learn how to manage my time properly. and it's the same wif this exam. from this exam, i've studied hard for it, no doubt. but i doubt i'll score that well. coz still qns dunno how to do and all that shit.

but one day, as i was drowning in the sea of depression that i created for myself, suddenly, a thinking went "pop" into my head. lol. and i asked myself, what is there to be depressed about? as long as i've done my best, prepared my best and that i'm accountable to myself, that's all that matters to me. i've not let myself down by not studying hard for it. and so long as i'm able to look into my own eyes in the mirror and tell myself that i've done whatever i could have do, i'm glad. so, no matter what my gpa for this sem would be, i'll be contented and move on. but mayb give myself one day to be sad over it ba. lol. if not, too cruel to myself le. lol. den after that, move on to sem 2 where i promise i'll do my best for it. lol.

hmm. and, i've decided i wan to do things that i've wanted to do, but never got the motivation or guts to take the first step. so that, one day, when i'm old, i'm able to reflect back on my life and be happy and contented that i've done everything i wanted to do in this life. and coz we all onli live once, it's kind of a waste if we dun do what we wan when we're still well and able like this. i dun wan to live till veri old le den reflect back on my life and say, "hai, should have done this, done that." i dun wan to have regrets. lol.

and so, the first thing i thought of is to do volunteering work with those veri small charity homes which need volunteers de. coz those big de organisations they should have a lot of ppl and funds as compared to those small homes ba. so the small homes perhaps need more help. but, problem is that it's so hard to find a home sia. it's always been something i wanted to do, and hence i joined welfare services club, but.. the club, though is great but not what i first thought out to be. and i wan to take the first step now, by finding some charitable organisations. anyone wan to do wif me? u're welcome to do so. =)

enough of reflections le. lol.

tomolo got event in sch still. lol. tired but cant get to sleep now. -.- and i have to wake up at around 6, 7 plus plus. this is how i celebrate the first day of my hols. LOL. =x

2007-08-19T23:11:00.000+08:00

if u're wondering why am i posting this pic when it's not 14 feb yet,
and if u're wondering whether i'm mad from all those studying to mix up dates,
well.. i didn't mix up. lol.

it's...... 七夕情人节 todae! lol. it's on this date that the weaving maid meets the cowboy? (forgive me for my direct translation). and my mum told me that's why it's been raining all day. den i asked her den how the magpies going to come together to form the bridge? lol. and she didn't noe how to reply me.

time's running out and before it's over, i just wan to wish everyone, single or taken, a veri HAPPY 七夕情人节!!!!! find ur love soon for those singles, and those taken, cherish the one beside u!!!!

2007-08-17T14:51:00.000+08:00

lol. i'm having my lunch in front of the comp. and i just dun feel like eating after i've ate 3 mouths of it. but.. still have to eat. why dun feel like eating leh? coz got the chou gu (mushrooms). lol. and since i dun like it, i will always eat it first. den the taste is still in my mouth. -.- dun feel like eating anymore.

anw, MR exam todae and it was just.... bad. so hard lah. even worse than past yr paper. and i was close to tears while doing the paper coz i just duno what was i writing for the first half of the paper. but, had to tell myself to bear with it. and bear with it til i reach home. hmm. but no use worrying abt my MR now ba, since i cant do anything abt it le, why not put the energy of worrying into studying for other modules? worry abt it when exams end and results going to be released. lol. but i noe it's not going to help even if i tell myself this. say le, hard to do sia. so, will some kind soul, if u see me whining and complaining abt my MR exam, pls remind me GENTLY that it's over, no use thinking abt it and to worry abt it when results release. thanks. lol.

and while going home with mel todae, we saw a veri funny scene and we were both laughing lke mad. lol. there was this baby, i think she's onli one yr old. den she kept looking at this little boy. so the little boy was making faces, and this made her went into a state of continuous laughter, stopping onli when she was drinking her milk. den she kept smiling to ppl she saw also. so cutee! lol. den me n mel found her laughter veri funny and we laughed along with the baby til she stopped. lol. and the little boy, after the baby was gone, kept staring at me. lol. and he reached his stop le den still say bye bye. -.- but his stop was......... yishun. lol. so it's same stop as us.

and i finished typing this le. still haven finish my lunch. lol. oh well. fma and qa, here i come~

2007-08-15T11:54:00.000+08:00

FINALLY. i'm updating. lol. was trying to get MR into my head for the past few days and it was so hard lah. so many things to memorise. and yesterday, my sis was asking me some qns abt her chem test todae. den i realised, chem facts are still in my head. -.- dunno why, i have this strange brain. lol. things that i wan to rmb at the moment, it wont allow me to rmb. but after a long time, i tend to rmb them, even though a lot of time has passed. lol.

anw, my sis said something yesterday that made me laugh out real loud. lol.
sis: "i wan to quickly grow up, den no need to study le."
me: "huh?"
sis: " really ma.."
me: laughing off and was trying to tell my mum abt what she said. lol.

but actually, sec sch times are the best times isn't it.
u can spend whole day in sch, gossiping abt ppl, laughing abt stupid things and no one will say u're childish coz u're still in sec sch, spreading rumours and of course, spending time away during recess time talking to ur frens. but now, these times are so far away, so, i'm not going to care. i've decided that i'm going to savour my sec sch life when i go back during teachers' day. lol.

hmm. going to have to go back to studying le. sian. i've survived thru these few days by spending time with books, hp, books, hp, books, hp. lol. thanks for those who entertained me wor. lol. =x

oh ya. i had a weird dream last night. lol. i dreamt that me and my sec sch frens were attending the same lecture, which is imposs coz some of them are in jc. lol. but anw, i dreamt that the lecture was about...... how to bake cakes and cookies. LOL. and if my mum didn't wake me up to open the door for her coz she forgot to bring her keys, i could have known how to bake a cake le leh. lol.

back to studying le! jia you everyone! veri fast we can have fun le!! =)

2007-08-12T23:47:00.000+08:00

once upon a time, when i was not that optimistic as now, this song bought me to my senses and pushed me along. it taught me that nothing in this world is easy and that everything we do, there are bound to be failures and all that, but most importantly, we muz noe how to stand up to these failures and learn from it. so, i hope this song will help u to hang on and persevere to the very end as well.

HERO-Mariah Carey

There's a hero,
If you look inside your heart,
You don't have to be afraid
Of what you are.

There's an answer,
If you reach into your soul,
And the sorrow that you know
Will melt away.

CHORUS:
And then a hero comes along
With the strength to carry on.
And you cast your fears aside
And you know you can survive.
So when you feel like hope is gone.
Look inside you and be strong.
And you'll finally see the truth,
That a hero lies in you.

It's a long road,
When you face the world alone,
No one reaches out a hand
For you to hold.

You can find love,
If you search within yourself,
And the emptiness you felt
Will disappear.

(CHORUS)

Lord knows,
Dreams are hard to follow.
But don't let anyone,
Tear them away.

Hold on,
There will be tomorrow.
In time,
You'll find the way.

(CHORUS)

That a hero lies in you.

2007-08-10T18:33:00.000+08:00

didn't wan to blog todae de. but. i just clicked on my junior's blog and saw some really terrifying pics. and i'm now still in a state of shock. makes me wonder why anyone would wan to do that. well. den i saw a term-->thinspiration. den i went search online for it. and the results i got were terrifying!!

i dun wan post here to scare anyone or everyone. so just take a look here, if u wan. but if u hadn't had ur meals, PLS dun look. guess it'll spoil ur appetite. so freaky lah! i was nearly close to tears when i saw the pics in my junior's blog and was literally shocked when i saw the webpage.

going off to study le. BYE. miss all of you!!

2007-08-09T16:38:00.000+08:00

well. to keep my promise to mel, i'm typing out the 10 veri meaningful phrases. ponder it over coz some are really really meaningful.

1. 没有一百分的另一半，只有五十分的两个人

2. 付出真心，才会得到真心，却也可能伤得彻底
保持距离，就能保护自己，却也注定永远寂寞

3. 通常愿意留下来跟你争吵的人，才是真正爱你的人

4. 有时候，不是对方不在乎你，而是你把对方看得太重

5. 冷漠，有时候并不是无情，只是一种避免被伤害的工具

6. 如果我们之间有1000 步的距离，你只要跨出第一步，我就会朝你的方向走其余的999步

7. 为你的难过而快乐的，是敌人
为你的快乐而快乐的，是朋友
为你的难过而难过的，就是那些该放进心里的人

8. 就算是believe 中间，也藏了一个lie

9. 真正的好朋友，并不是在一起就有聊不完的话题
而是在一起，就算不说话，也不会感到尴尬

10. 朋友就是被你看透了，还能喜欢你的人

which one do u agree most or touched u the most? lol. think for me, the 2 sentences i would most firmly believe in are no. 7 and 9. tag me ur views!.

oh ya. and HAPPY BIRDAE TO SINGAPORE!!! have a nice birdae. lol.

2007-08-08T15:51:00.000+08:00

hmm. haven been in the best of mood these few days. dunno why. just felt mooooooody. lol. so many Os. anw. went for ssm test todae and i think to at least get a B for ssm would be like reaching for the stars in the sky, not to mention about getting a B+. oh well, it's all over and i promised myself to learn from this mistake this time and next time not to make the same mistake again le.

BUT. even comforting myself this way, my mood still doesn't get any better. =( what's wrong with me?! someone, slap me away and bring the old me back leh. lol. and for these few days, i've been eating foods with extreme tastes. lol. i've put a lot lot lot of chilli into my food, caused my bro to exclaim, "u crazy ar?!!" lol. this onli happens when i'm in extreme moods. i've also asked my sis to buy me chocolates, with the hope of cheering myself up, but to no avail. i've also tried to find cold jokes. but it onli made me laugh to myself and the comp den after that, the dreaded feeling returns.

hope all the moodiness will just get away. just go away, stay away from me. and the worst thing is i dun even noe what is causing these moodiness. =(

on a lighter note, todae, while taking train back wif mel, overheard 2 guys talking.
guy 1: ..."good horse dun eat back head grass" (translate into chi)
guy2: but the grass nice leh.
LOL. me n mel were talking halfway den we tried to control our laughter. but no use lah. lol. den after that, one of the guy alighted le. den left the guy alone. den he fell asleep. and his head almost touched mel's shoulder! lol! this really tickled us and we were laughing non-stop. lol. den mel kept saying my hand electrify her hand when i touched her. but i nv feel the shock when i touch her leh. qi guai.

anw. my parents and bro are off to malaysia tomolo le. the house's left to me n my sis. lol. can wreak havoc. =x

2007-08-06T21:31:00.000+08:00

a song i find it veri veri touching. enjoy it.

张惠妹 - 如果你也听说
作词：李焯雄作曲：周杰伦
我发现站了好久
不知道要往哪走
还不想回家的我
再多人陪只会更寂寞
许多话题关于我
就连我也有听过
我的快乐要被认可
委屈却没有人诉说
夜半信仰丛白剥落
拿掉防卫剩下什么
为什么脆弱时候想你更多
如果你也听说有没有想过我
想普通交朋友
还是你依然会心疼我
好多好多的话想对你说
悬着一颗心没着落
要怎么附和舍不得又无可奈何
如果你也听说会不会相信我
对流言会附和
还是你知道我还是我
跌跌撞撞才明白了许多
冷漠的人就你一个
想到你想起我胸口依然温柔

许多话题关于我
就连我也有听过
我想我宁可都沉默
其实反而显得做作
夜半信仰丛白剥落
拿掉防卫剩下什么
为什么脆弱时候想你更多
如果你也听说有没有想过我
想普通交朋友
还是你依然会心疼我
好多好多的话想对你说
悬着一颗心没着落
要怎么附和舍不得要无可奈何
如果你也听说会不会相信我
对流言会附和
还是你知道我还是我
跌跌撞撞才明白了许多
冷漠的人就你一个
想到你想起我胸口依然温柔
如果你也听说有没有想过我
想普通交朋友还是你依然会心疼我
跌跌撞撞才明白了许多
冷漠的人就你一个
想到你想起我胸口依然温柔
如果你想起我你会想到什么

2007-08-05T18:35:00.000+08:00

I WAN MY BEDROOM DECO TO BE LIKE THIS!!! was surfing aimlessly on the web den came across this pic. so nice! i went WOW in front of the comp when i saw this. lol. and i've decided this is wat my future bedroom will be. lol. the drawing is like so real and nice lah. and of course this is not someone's home. if not.. i'll be so envious of him/her. it's a resort somewhere in the world which collaborated with the me-to-you bear de company den made this special room de. but i dun care. i wan my room to be like that in future. lol.

headached for half of the day. and i still dunno why. -.- was studying dearest ssm den decided to take a break since my head was throbbing. so. i'm taking a break till now. lol. at night den study ba. oh ya. tomolo still need to go sch for rwps. sian.

hai. suddenly, i miss the life during the 3 mths course in jc. those times where laughing non-stop with racheal and zinc made our days. i miss them! they're the onli ones who'll laugh at my cold jokes. remember the first time i told them a cold joke, they were laughing so hardly. lol. i was stunned and i really asked them, "got so hao xiao ar?" lol. and they just kept on laughing. lol. but now, i tell cold jokes no one entertain me also. lol. onli i'm the one keep laughing. esp my sis, i everytime tell her jokes, she will ask me back, "hen hao xiao meh." and i'll onli be the one laughing. lol. miss them a lot a lot.

2007-08-04T16:38:00.000+08:00

lol. i've been blogging abt strange and weird news around the world for the past 2 days and yes, it's another piece of weird news. lol.

why did i put a squirrel de photo? lol. coz it's abt squirrels this time, and no, it's not coz the squirrel da bian is used to make souvenirs. lol. but squirrel so cute, its da bian make into souvenirs also will veri cute de ba. LOL.

anw. in finland, they've recently caught squirrel thief. lol. and mayb u would be thinking it stole nuts from the store. BUT it actually got caught for stealing kinder surprise eggs. those kind where u eat finish the chocolate le den inside got toys de. lol. den the squirrel will eat in the shop, in front of the shopowner den take the toy with it, leaving the wrapper behind.

so cute right. lol. but it's a bit careless lah. to steal in front of the shopowner den got caught. lol. but they did not punish it also. lol.

hmm. nothing to blog abt recently also. life is just so so ba. things happen and ppl give reactions. and, i've given up trying to pry into things that i dun even have the right to ask. so i'm just going to keep quiet. i'm giving up.

2007-08-01T23:59:00.000+08:00

cute mah? cute right. lol. it's PANDA. just read a piece of news and i found it real funny. lol. dunno whether u all got hear before anot. but beijing has to spend large amounts of $$ to dispose of the shit (or dabian) of all these pandas. then, one day, they decided to use all these dabian to make something. so since olympic games coming, they made SOUVENIRS out of it. lol. i see le. stunned. den they added at the end of the news that they planning to make statues of panda out of these dabian. LOL. i was practically laughing at the comp screen.

2007-07-31T23:31:00.000+08:00

finally. all report and presentations are all handed up. what's left is tests which will take place next week. -.- and so stupid lah. next week is supposed to be our study week (definition: stay at home study de week). and since it's stay at home, means no need go sch mah. but still have to go and be audience for rwps ppt, for ssm test and gems test. lol. like that, like next week not study week le. -.-

anw. this week as compared to last week, was more relaxed ba. no need to worry about anything and we can just sit down there during our breaks, doing our own stuff or just crapping all the way. lol. and looking back, actually, last week was really a veri busy week and i begin to wonder how did i manage to get over it? lol.

over the past few weeks, so many times, i've knocked on the door of "giving up". so many times, it opened its doors to me, and i wanted to go in and just give up completely. but, i still held on, refusing to go in. all thanks to you. lol. nv knew that promises would be so powerful that everytime i think of giving up, i'll think of my promise to you den i'll "force" myself to just hang in there.

hmm. anw. it's over now. and it's ur turn to keep ur promise! lol.

just saw one piece of news that australian pupils have to wear sunglasses now, it's compulsory. like so strange lah. imagine everyone starts to wear black glasses to sch. LOL. so weird. but it's to protect their eyesight. lol. imagine everyone in sp appears like this in sch.

LOL. wont it be veri funny? =x.

2007-07-29T00:12:00.000+08:00

veri long nv update le coz it's been a hectic week, reports deadlines and tests coming non-stop. next mon is going to be the worst day ever. lol. lab test, rwps ppt and psycho test. and all these days, i've or rather me n weixin have been telling ourselves that it's going to be over, so muz endure. but as i was trying to memorise the stupid psycho notes/text book. i really began to doubt whether i can really hang on for so long. but i noe i muz hang on. hmm. muz jia you!

i just cant seem to get the freaking formula of QA and the theories of psycho into my brain leh. a lot to study for psycho. and i really wonder how did i manage to pass my bio. lol. so many to memorise that time and how did i manage to memorise it huh? qi guai. lol. QA also. how did i manage to memorise those formulae of A and E maths in the past huh? when i cant do so for QA now. lol. brain degenerates as one grows older. really true.

woke up early todae to go do rwps ppt. considered done le ba. left make-up for the ppt slides. lol. and den came back hm psycho-ed all the way and i still got 4 chapts to go!! hai. and i haven prepare for my rwps ppt. lol. oh no~ while i was practising excel for the lab test, made me think of yr 1. where everything was still so relaxed and life was still considered comfy then, as compared to now. this never stopping hectic life.

pray for me that i can really finish rwps ppt, qa lab and psycho revision by tomolo's night.

2007-07-23T23:56:00.000+08:00

misunderstandings are sometimes so well hidden that one dun discover it's a misunderstanding til the other party speaks up first. but it's all so common that i always thought it would be cleared up really easily, that relations would not be affected and after that, the trust would still be there, pure and intact just as how we left it before the misunderstanding took place. but it turns out, it does damage to the word-trust as well. and i wont give a damn about the trust if u weren't someone who matters to me. but apparently, u wont trust anyone anymore. and that's the sad thing.

anw. just felt veri strongly recently that life's too short for regrets, hatred, smiles and love.
so we should all not regret something we did coz it's a wasteful emotion that does nothing but make u feel worse.
live and let live, forgive n forget are the two phrases that i will associate hatred with. since life's so short, why waste whole of ur life hating him/her? it's so tiring eh. seeing that person and having to remind urself that i cant be frenly to him/her coz i'm supposed to be hating him/her. might as well forgive that person and give him/her one more chance.
we should also smile and laugh while we can, even till our mouths are numb. lol. coz u will nv noe when u cant smile anymore.
and.. we should love all we can as well. never keep any love in ur heart, give it to the person u think deserve the most coz u'll nv noe what might happen to him/her the next second. even thou that person might not be the one u'll be staying wif the rest of ur life, but it's the one time that matters not the duration of how long.

and i'll hang on de. at least with you there, even if hope is as thin as a thread, i'll hold on to it.

i'm so chim in my post todae. lol. going to sleep le. so tired.

2007-07-21T18:49:00.000+08:00

enjoy this song. a song which touched me always.

You Raise Me Up -

When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary;
When troubles come and my heart burdened be;
Then, I am still and wait here in the silence,
Until you come and sit awhile with me.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up: To more than I can be.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up: To more than I can be.

There is no life - no life without its hunger;
Each restless heart beats so imperfectly;
But when you come and I am filled with wonder,
Sometimes, I think I glimpse eternity.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up: To more than I can be.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up: To more than I can be.

2007-07-21T01:39:00.000+08:00

hmm. it's another tiring day todae. with the wsc meeting with skates club. onli one word can be used to describe the meeting--weird. lol. and both me n liming lost our speech during the meeting coz we didn't talk at all. lol. i was busy taking down meeting min while liming was happily stuck in philippines with her uccd grp members.

and it's so hard to find info. on china. a lot irrelevant and wat i wan to find is not there. -.- and i just saw weixin n mel's blogs. both got write schedules for all the weeks up to the exam week. both crazy. lol. esp. mel. write so long. and i discovered that mel would be a violent mum in future. there was a baby boy crying in the train todae on our way to sch. and mel say if it's her baby, she would strangle it. lol. so violent right!

sometimes, when i'm not in a position to comment on anything or scold anyone, i'll just keep quiet. coz it'll be really unfair to the person. so if u find me not joining u in scolding the person u were pissed off with, it does not mean i'm like on her side. it's just coz i feel that i dun have any right to say anything. and the best thing i can do or will do is that i'll be listening to u. and i'm not trying to defend her when i help her say something. i'm just helping u to look at things from another angle.

and dun forget, everyone including the person with the greatest tolerance level, has a limit to his/her patience. once u step over, bye to you. they'll forgive u but u'll find that they'll become really hostile to you after that. so. dun test it, ppl. and in times of under such stress, my temper isn't in the best after all. and i'm still not showing it to anyone else. so.. dun let me try it on you.

2007-07-17T20:52:00.000+08:00

before i go into a frenzy of finishing my reports and everything, think i'll update first ba. had 2 presentations in a row todae and it's so tiring. but at least, some parts of the projects are done with le. left mainly reports to do and hand in. luckily tomolo no meeting. if not, i dunno when i'll have the time to finish so many reports. but fri got meeting. -.-

the journey home todae was torturous. not coz i had to go home wif jh (thou it's veri xin ku also. lol) not coz there are a lot of ppl todae (thou there are really a lot ppl) BUT. it's coz of my stupid shoes. it's sooooo painful and i was walking veri slowly. think in the whole day, the way home was the longest dist i walked, and ppl were looking at me. lol. so paiseh. think i walked too slowly le.

anw. yesterday was psycho presentation and we were doing on the various different types of disorder. and one grp was concluding by saying that love actually helps to overcome everything and allows a person to live healthily in terms of emotion. true? lol. i dunno but it certainly got my attention when i was dozing off. but too bad, it onli got my attention at the conclusion part. lol.

reports left:
- psycho
- ssm individual report
- uccd
- rwps

2007-07-15T01:27:00.000+08:00

before i sleep, i'll update first ba. it's just been a busy week. but i HOPE that after next week, it'll be better coz presentations and reports are going to be handed up next week den no need to do so many things le. i wan to sleep~ >.< even typed wrong password just now and i tot what happen to my account. lol.

anw. MR lecturer mentioned something about grpwork which i find it veri true indeed. she mentioned that in a project, the difficult part is not solving the questions. it's working with ppl. which is so true. lol. this time round, i've experienced what's BAD group work. it's not a nice experience but i'll hang on till the project's over and learnt a lesson not to work with these people again.

hai. after reports, it's tests tests and tests. never ending. =( next week i still got gems test which i think is gone case le. lol. so hard. regretting taking this gems. hopefully, next gems i take would be better ba. nothing much to say also. lol. just that take care everyone and hang on! it'll be over soon!! (think i'm reminding myself).

going to sleep le! bye.

2007-07-12T21:19:00.000+08:00

well, well, well. tears do run out of supply. lol. sometimes, when ur sadness all that reach a certain stage, u'll feel sad and wan to cry. but u cant cry anymore, ur heart's twisting but no tears can come out. that's what i call the ulimate stage of sadness. a stage where u're sad n down, but ur tears just cant flow out, u smile n laugh as usual. but inside, it's all pain.

anw. uccd not done yet. and i really hope to do finish by next mon. but hopes will always remain as hopes. hai. everyone's under so much stress. that's yr 2 ba. but muz jiayou and hang on wor. it'll be over really soon. next week is presentatin and report handing up week. it'll be a really busy week ba. hai.

2007-07-10T21:23:00.000+08:00

nowadays, i think the 2 words in my head are project project den tutorial tutorial. lol. and i think my stm getting worse le. =( wat if i even forget those dearest to me? lol. i cant imagine what'll happen when that time comes.

we still cant get our uccd de marks. -.- it's the onli module which haven give us back the paper and it's the one that all of us are most worried about. hai. hope ronald gives it back real soon thou he will be busy selling french fries in mac. LOL. ronald macdonalds. and! even our report de marks he dun wan to give. hai. hope he next week can give us the marks ba.

weixin, dun feel abandoned anymore.
the feeling i also get it sometimes and it's also coz of my parents.
the feeling is so familiar to me, i've cried over it for like dunno how many times, over how many years.
till i'm tired of it. and dun feel like crying for something they dun care anymore.
u'll feel that it's really very very unfair. but u also dunno how to tell them. coz u're afraid tat they'll feel that u're grabbing for attention and it seems childish to tell them that u're sort of jealous over ur own sibling.
sometimes, i even get scolded for something i didn't do. i will feel very angry, sad and disappointed in them.
i'll wonder why are they like that?
and sometimes, when i get home late after psycho cls, feeling veri tired. they will still ask me to check my bro's sch work. when i ask why cant they ask my sis to check. they'll say, coz she also came back late from sch. how late i would ask. about 7 something.
-.- during that time, i'm still in cls. that's the unfairness of it all.
u onli wan a little little bit of care from them, but they just dun do it.
and u'll feel kinda left out.
but. come to think of it. they're also humans and it's normal for every human to be bias. so, sometimes, i just let them be. since i really cant do anything about it.
and trust me, u'll lead a happier life this way. =)
at least, u can be sure we'll be there for you. always. always.

2007-07-10T20:50:00.000+08:00

rules of the game: each player of this game starts off with ten weird habits or little known facts about yourself. people who get tagget are supposed to continue the trend. at the end of the game you must choose another 6 victims. no tagbacks!

1- i cant sleep in the afternoon even for half an hour, if not at night, i would be staring at my room de ceiling cant go to sleep. even if i'm veri tired. lol. poor me. =(

2- i am EXTREMELY forgetful and blur. lol. this i admit ok.

3- i can listen to sad songs at night and then in a min, tears would be flowing out of my eyes.

4- my actions take place before i can think about it. so.. sometimes, i just do things not without thinking. it's just that by the time my brain process the thing, my actions have shown it liao. lol.

5- i can have really weird dreams during exam period. dun ask me why! i dunno. lol.

6- i dunno why also. but i love to 'lol' a lot in msn conversations.

7- i love to tell cold jokes to ppl. lol.

8- i laugh at my own cold jokes when i tell it to ppl. lol.

9- i dun like running away from problems but when something happens, i wont take the initiative to explain things to the other person first. i will just drag for a veri long time, i noe this is bad. but, i just cant help it. =(

10- i dun feel comfortable with expressing my love for my frens. lol. mayb it's shyness. but even between besties, i wont say love you or all that. but they noe it's all deep inside my heart. =)

i dun wan sabo ppl to do this thing. if u're my fren and are part of my link. pls do it ba. for fun. lol.

2007-07-05T23:36:00.000+08:00

projects are piling up and i think it'll turn into a mountain soon. lol. the week i hate most in this term is week 14 ba. lol. all presentations and report deadlines are squeezed into that stupid one week. -.- really hope can finish all the reports on time. esp. my dear psycho de. coz i realised as we were discussing the project todae that the psycho de carries with it 200 marks!! i've nv sen a paper which has 200 marks de lah. lol. first time see le i stunned.

anw. no need to ask and dun ask coz it's really over le. and. it doesn't mean that you are not a good fren if u didn't ask me. the thing is, i feel that a good fren will respect me and if i dun feel like saying it out, he/she wont force me. even if he/she forces me, i wont say de. no matter how much or how many times you ask. it's not i dun trust you or i dun confide in you, it's coz sometimes, i just wan to deal wif it myself. dun wan to depend on anyone. and when i need a listening ear, i will just tell you dun care whether u wan to listen anot. lol. so, dun worry.

mayb these few days may appear to be in a sian mood, but it's all coz of the projects that are piling up and i dun think i can really manage a real laugh or smile unless the whole project thing is over. =(

2007-07-03T21:54:00.000+08:00

if asked to use one word to describe tues, it would be tiring ba. everyone was so tired todae. lol. had to struggle to keep myself awake during fma. -.-

suddenly i've realised that dennis ng would be leaving real soon le. in about 2-3 weeks time ba. and he was so funny during his tutorial todae. and i can guarantee that i will surely miss him a lot lot lot. he's the onli teacher who tells us his experiences in the salesforce, the one who gives us advice in humourous ways. and he's the onli one who makes us laugh in almost every one of his lecture and tutorial. and his tutorial is the one that all of us look forward to in tues despite all of us being so tired and all that. in his cls, it's hard to fall asleep coz u'll be laughing real hard at his teachings. and he really taught us a lot of things outside the scope of study. the most nice thing abt him is he can emphathise wif us as we complain to him abt the huge amt of schwork and no breaks in between lessons. well. all in all. he's a nice teacher. all nice things will come to an end. =(

suddenly started to think about this word-PROMISES.
exactly, what are they? i think they are only valuable when they are made by someone during the start of everything. when someone makes a promise in the beginning, they really mean it from the bottom of their heart and they really wan to do it for that special person.
however, everything changes as time pass by.
over a period of time, promises become obligations that the person who made the promise have to fulfil. in this case, they dun do it from the bottom of their heart. they do it simply because they have to do so. isn't it saddening?

so, dun make promises that u cant fulfil. if u make a promise, make sure they dun turn into obligations.

2007-07-01T18:28:00.000+08:00

FINALLY found a skin that i liked. lol. those who noe me well would noe why i chose this skin ba. lol. and i find this skin a veri happy one. so hope those who not in good mood see this skin le can smile. LOL. crapping.

hmm. tomolo sch starts le. and it's back to waking up early in the wee hours and then coming home late. -.- and there are just so many projects and reports waiting to chase us.

REPORTs
1. UCCD
2. SSM
3. PSYCHO
4. RWPS

this morning woke up and first thing i did was look at my calendar, saw that it was still in the month of jun and so, i changed and flipped it over to july. time really flies. lol. and once i flip to july, saw so many deadlines there that i wanted to flip back to jun again. lol.

2007-06-30T02:02:00.000+08:00

hmm. tot i'll ust blog a bit before i go sleep. coz i dun really feel like sleeping. went for meeting and gems todae. den after gems went back to clubhse find jh and talked there from 3 something til abt 5. lol. talked abt a lot of things, veri long nv talk to her like that le ba. and it was worth it coz it's like being during the hols where we'll be talking on the phone for hours. lol.

the details of what was discussed shall be kept between me and her onli. lol. coz it's highly confidential. =x. anw. thinking of the stupid psycho research really can make me mad. hai. but oh well. it was my own choice taking this thing. so i cant possibly regret it now. hmm. nothing else to say le. just that, i have to go sleep coz later still got morning meeting wif joanne they all. is it really a weekend? lol. makes me wonder.

2007-06-28T22:45:00.000+08:00

before u read this post, pls go read the below de two posts first. lol.
hmm. finally i can talk abt what happened todae. lol.
finished the last paper of MR and i was in a nice mood this morning coz i noe is the last paper le. lol. for those who have a paper tomolo, dun worry!! last paper tomolo le!! hang on and give it ur last push!! lol.

after MR, went to vivo wif weixin and mel coz mel wanted to find her present. but in the end, we didn't buy anything. lol. that's gals. indecisive. but cant blame us mah. it's a characteristic of us that makes us different. lol. den me and weixin were giving suggestions to mel. we asked her to make heart-shaped chocolate. lol. den we suggested making bento (japanese lunch box) for edwin on that day. and found out that weixin n my thinking are veri much similar. lol.

we suggested making a bento box, where the rice and everything to be contained in the rice would be <3 shaped. even the box used for bento should be heart shaped. this idea is so nice and touching right. imagine edwin sitting down somewhere in the bench of a beach den mel give him the bento, which is still warm de. den he eat le, feel so touched that he cry. LOL. what a romantic scene. or it's at night den edwin is eating his bento mel prepared. den got candles lighted. den edwin also eat le, cry. lol. think it's time for my dreams le. i'm starting to imagine things. lol.

den i suggested to mel to make heart shaped cookies to be put in a transparent container den the cookies are piled up on each other. and between each heart-shaped cookie, a paper of written message can be placed. so that when edwin eats the cookie, he will see a msg every time he eats one. LOL. omg. just thinking of it is sooooo sweet and romantic lah. lol.

but i agree wif mel that everytime we suggest this kind of things, we are actually always hoping ppl to do it for us. lol. imagine if a guy really prepares a bento or the cookie for a gal, i think the gal will be so touched she'll cry ba. lol.

and mel, u should really make a bento or cookie leh. coz me n weixin de cooking is... hai. dun wan say lah. lol. and onli u can cook nicely and more successfully compared to us two. u cook ppl will keeping going toilet onli, me n weixin cook, ppl confirm will have to go down to hospital. LOL. and dun have to worry edwin will say it's not yummy. coz anything u prepare for him will be considered as sweet. lol. coz he'll be too touched. lol.

and i'll update u ppl on what present mel will give edwin. finally. lol.

2007-06-28T22:25:00.000+08:00

and this post is to another of my dear fren, melissa, who's celebrating her one year anniversary SOON. lol. prepare bento lah!! it's so nice leh. lol. me n weixin are pinning our hopes on you le. coz we both fail in cooking. lol.

some examples:

this is random. lol. but it's so cute lah!

u can prepare this too-one riceball is him, the other is you. lol.

SO CUTE. the mushroom house. lol. someone make this for me!!!

one husband and wife. perfect for an anniversary present too. lol.

this is too cute to be eaten ba! who will eat it?! not me!! lol.

bento sandwiches is not a bad idea too! healthy and also shows ur love. lol.

sandwiches also. the heart and star so cute!!

this is the best one i think u should really prepare. lol. the 2 hearts looking at each other so lovingly. perfect for you and him.

i dunno what words to use to describe except cute. lol

this is the one i like best!! ke ai. and mel. u can prepare this also!!

give u so many suggestions. u muz prepare bento hor!!! lol.

2007-06-28T20:58:00.000+08:00

firstly, i would like to dedicate this lovely post to my dearest weixin, who's having her birthday todae. i wont say out that u're 19 years old le lah. LOL.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!!!
as i've said in the video n card, i hope u will not be happy during this day. lol.
i hope u'll be happy every every day.
and i hope u will be flashing ur that nice nice smile every day.
and i really love listening to your laughter. lol.

i noe perhaps i'm not as close to you such that u will tell me every little detailed thing that happened in your life.
but, no matter what happens, if u need a crying shoulder, a laughing buddy or just someone to listen to you, i promise i will always be here.

remember, if one day, you had ur heart broken, all the four of us will stand by you and we will help you to KILL the person who broke ur heart. lol. and we will help you to mend your heart back. so count on us for anything, everything!

lastly, hope you enjoyed ur day with ur sis!! lol. have a nice time! love ya! =)

and if i had the resources, i will get you:

a diamond studded hello kitty. so class. lol.

2007-06-22T20:57:00.000+08:00

hmm. studied uccd whole day. and still studying. lol. just cant seem to memorise leh. dunno why. and i haven had my dinner. lol. so late le. after typing this post, going to eat le. my mum's nagging away. =X

just came online to settle some wsc de stuffs. hope this time the event can be a real success. coz we used so much time in planning, going round the whole sch to take photos and writing the proposal, when we could have been studying at home.

lol. and i got a fright just now. the speaker de wire came off and i just insert it back into the speaker WITHOUT switching off the power. and guess what happen? there were sparks! lol. cant imagine what will happen if i got an electric shock. =S

anw. nothing to blog abt also. just wan to wish everyone GOOD LUCK in MST! it'll be over real soon!! =)

oh ya. to mel and weixin: ronald say the format is short qns and a mini case.

2007-06-20T00:44:00.000+08:00

finished uploading the photos le. lol. uploaded all that i wan to share wif all of you. =)

walking home todae tot abt some really complicated stuffs and then i decided that it was doing harm to my brain cells so i gave up thinking abt it. lol.

it all started the thinking when i heard angela's song,
其实很爱你.
den there's this phrase:

感动越是深刻
寂寞就越伤人

which is quite true isn't it. the more 感动 a person gives you, when it's time to let go, it's always so painful and torturing. so some would say, den dun do so many touching things lor. so that when it's time to split, makes things easier as well. but the problem is.. it's the touching things that one did that makes you wan to stay on beside him, isn't it. so isn't it confusing? if u've done something touching, is it considered good? or is it considered bad? is it desirable or is it something to be avoided? that's why i say it's a confusing topic i thought abt. lol.

dun wan to think abt it le. should spend my time more on studying since mst is coming. uccd i think die le. other class de project already briefed le. but our cls de haven. -.- have to wait for sch to open den can brief and by the time, we have to rush out the report le. sian. everytime teachers not responsible, we'll always be at the losing end. and uccd paper, i'll be glad if i can rmb whatever i've memorised.

fma, have to do mock paper as fast as possible.

MR, another memory de. sian.

QA, that's worst. lol. it's a module that needs practice, like maths and stats. but there's no past yr mst papers and those in the notes have no ans de. how to practise ner? i also dunno. lol.

*my life*

你是答案 by 范范

my life